Feelings of guilt, regret and pain over her abortion

I'm 24 and in August I discovered I was pregnant with my third child, the second by the same father. At this point our relationship was over, I was studying, feeling very stressed, and when I told him I was pregnant again he told me to have a termination or he would be out of my life and our child's life. I ended up going to see the GP about having an abortion and I felt swayed into it by everyone - even professionals. I cancelled two appointments because I couldn't decide and in the end I was told if I cancelled again I wouldn't be able to go through with the procedure, so literally at the last moment I just did it at 12 weeks. It was the surgical method and although the process was quick and simple the whole thing felt clinical. I had two days of relief and then the guilt and regret set in. Two months have passed now and it's like a black cloud over my head filled with guilt, regret and pain, I'm not sure it will ever go away. I wish someone had told me about this feeling.
The father ended up disappearing anyway without a care in the world which only made things worse.

Editor's Comment

It sounds as though this was a very difficult decision for you, and in your heart you did not want to go through with it. The fear that your child would lose their father, and you might lose any support he was giving you may have panicked you into having the abortion. The emotional pain, grief and regret you now feel is coming from the conflict around your decision. I would encourage you to seek some post abortion aftercare and support to work through these painful feelings. You can call the national helpline 0300 4000 999, log on to Online advisor, or follow the link to find a centre for post abortion support in your area.

This story was sent in on 16/12/2011

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