It's been 4 months but I still regret it every day.

By anonymous on 10/02/2012
I had an abortion last October and even though it's been four months on I still regret it everday.

Me and my boyfriend were only together for a few months when I found out I was pregnant. When I told him, the first thing he said was get rid of it and then went on an all boys holiday so I was left to deal with it on my own.

I firstly just wanted to keep it but when I told a few close friends, some of them said keep it and some of them said just get an abortion. I knew deep down that I wanted to keep it and raise this child but I was thinking that it was bad timing and could I actually raise a child? Was I ready?

After speaking to my parents, they said that it was best to get an abortion, so we booked it and I went with my mum a week later.
I hadn't spoken to my boyfriend since I told him and he was still on holiday. When I rang he just said do what you want, I don't care and we broke up.

When I got there I was taken into a seperate room to change and I was crying for ages. The nurse said to me 'are you sure you want to do this, there are other options' and I said yes sorry. But if I could go back in time everytime I would say 'no, I want to keep and raise my child'.

Afterwards I just felt empty and hopeless and just sad

I cried for ages and just wished I could take it back, I wish I said no and kept my child. Despite what anyone says I could of done it and been a good mum.

I feel like I did it for other people and didn't make the right decision for myself.

I wouldn't say abortions are bad because they do work for some people but it was just the wrong decision for me.

To my lovely little Angel <3 Mummy's sorry she couldn't take care of you and bring you into this world. You will always be in my heart.

Lots of Love xx

Editor's Comment

It is very sad that you made your decision perhaps because your boyfriend was so uncaring, and also because your parents felt it was the right decision for you. Your heart seemed to be crying out that you wanted to keep the baby, but you were also hearing other voices encouraging you to have an abortion. It is very hard to live with the regret of that decision. I think that post abortion counselling would help you to draw a line under this painful experience. You will always remember it but the pain wil go if you are able to work through your emotions. You can call the national helpline 0300 4000 999, log on to Online advisor, or follow the link to find a centre for post abortion support in your area.

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