I am 19 weeks pregnant, and was going through with the abortion.

I am 19 weeks pregnant, and was going through with the abortion. My periods were never regular despite being on the pill, and I had bleeding in the first month. Me and my now ex of 2.5 years had just broke up and he moved to France. Fast forward to missing periods, feeling sick, needing the loo a lot and having a boob growth I mentioned my symptoms to a friend and she went and got me a test. I joked around saying it can't be but took the test. So there it was positive- I was livid. I didn't know what to do. I was final year at a very respected university and couldn't wait to get to a job in the city. I spoke to my ex and he said instantly- you have to get rid of it, there is only one choice, that my parents didn't love me- he did so I had to do what he thought. He got his sister to email me and bully me and has told 4 of his friends already. Not the support I needed. So I went home and had a scan, which came out 10 weeks pregnant. I was shocked and booked an abortion. The night before I told my dad- I guess I was having doubts and needed to tell him. He was and is so very supportive. The next day I went and decided I couldn't go ahead- now I knew my Dad was there whatever I wasn't about to be brainwashed. I decided to go again, twice more, both times I was hysterical. I knew mentally me or my family can't support it and I wanted my life so badly. But in the clinic I would cry and one time they sent me home refusing to do it- the next time they told me to put the pill in my mounth and I couldn't. So now I'm nearly 18 weeks pregnant. I overheard a family conversation tonight that they can't believe how much I messed up my life. This killed me inside. That and the fact my ex has called me the most horrid of names. My friends all think I should have an abortion, even I do in my head. I thought I was keeping it- I have the scan photos, maternity clothes, but after hearing everyone's comments, being so alone, and knowing mentally I can't have a life I think I am back to going again. All I can say is I'm in great pain- I have lost who I am and hate my life.

Editor's Comment

I think you should stop listening to what other people are telling you to do and start listening to what your own heart is telling you. It is you that will have to live with this decision for the rest of your life, not your ex boyfriend or your friends so if you are still having serious doubts you should not go through with an abortion. If you have had an abortion booked 3 times and been unable to go through with it, something deep inside is telling you that you are not comfortable with that decision. Yes it will change your life if you have this baby but it doesn't mean you can't still have fun and enjoy yourself. If you would like to talk this through with someone again please contact CareConfidential find a centre for pregnancy choices support in your area.

This story was sent in on 13/02/2012

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