A medical termination because of birth defect fearsBy anonymous on 26/02/2012
I am still struggling with a miscarriage and a medical termination approximately ten months apart. I have two children, but have always desired more children. I have a medical condition, and take medications that are known to cause significant birth defects and other developmental issues. I had a routine ultrasound at 7 weeks. My obstetrician did not see any issues, but I honestly felt deep down inside that something was wrong. When I pushed my obstetrician to provide information on termination, he was not happy with the situation. He suggested I consider permanent birth control. It was not the suggestion, but the manner it was made that felt hurtful. I left my doctors office feeling upset, but beginning to accept that I would need to face my fears and believe everything would be okay. For a minute, I began to look forward to experiencing pregnancy and a newborn again. My concerns were much too great and overwhelmed any positive feelings I had even briefly.
I still could not convince myself everything was okay. I was in complete panic mode. I proceeded with a medical termination. The actual process was not bad, but everyone's experience is different? The staff was warm and reassuring.
However, I stil grieve the loss and wonder if I made the right decision. I feel as though the door is now closed and that my chance to continue our family has now passed me by due to my age and medical concerns. I wish I had seen a neonatologist to monitor the pregnancy and have more information. I am not sure if I panicked or followed my gut feeling. I am grieving one minute and guilty for feeling that perhaps termination was the right decision. I often think about scheduling some appointments with physicians who would better equipped to support my medical issues and monitor any issues so perhaps we can try again.