Termination after being pressurised into a sexual relationship

By anonymous on 26/02/2012
I was briefly dating a co-worker. On our first date, he became very intoxicated. When he took me back to my home, I invited him inside to meet my roommate and her boyfriend. They soon left to have a few drinks, themselves. He finally kissed me, but it quickly escalated to more than I wanted. The more I pushed his hands away, the more he tried. Eventually I gave in because he seemed angry and I was afraid he would hurt me. I decided to not make a big deal about it because I was planning to sleep with him eventually. And the next day I decided against taking the morning after pill because I liked him and wanted to put it in the hands of fate.

Fate was not what I bargained for. Two weeks later he told me that he was in love with someone else. I immediately broke off our relationship even though he wanted to continue. And another week and a half later I found out I was pregnant. I waited a few days to process it before I decided to tell him. After all, he was in love with someone else and it was pretty obvious he would not be happy. I tried to tell him in person, but I couldn't. I called him on a Sunday night. It was not easy, but I finally blurted out, "I'm going to have a baby!" He was not happy. He was actually angry, so angry that I was frightened that he might hurt me. (I have issues with anxiety, so I could have been reading more into his reaction.) Bottom line was he wanted nothing more to do with me and told me that if I had this child, he would NOT be in my child's life.

I couldn't do it alone. And I couldn't bring a child into the world knowing that the child's father did not give a damn about him or her. My dream was to be a mom, but I felt it was selfish to bring a child into such a screwed up situation just so that I could have my dream. I decided that the truly selfless thing for me to do was to have an abortion and put my dream back on hold until I met the right person.

I was devastated after he took me to the abortion and then disappeared all over again. I was still hoping he would change his mind about me, but he didn't. I quickly spiraled into a depression over all of my losses (loss of my baby, my dream, and him). I started taking my post-abortion pain pills to numb myself. But I realized I needed to change because the situation was not going to change itself. I flushed the pain pills down the toilet and immediately started making plans for my weekends and signed up on an online dating site. I met a wonderful man who fell in love with me - and only me - and we now have two beautiful kids, the first conceived the month my other baby would have been born. We have had our struggles, but right now, life is good!

And about the other guy... he married that other girl. They now have two children together, too. I re-connected with him online and we discussed some things about the past (mostly me), and he did not realize he pretty much raped me the night I got pregnant. He apologized profusely. He was very sincere, and he seems to have more regret than I do. I'm grateful that he allowed me to express everything I felt about what happened without judgment so that I could finally let it all go (a decade later). I know not everyone gets closure on their past, so I feel incredibly lucky. None of it was easy, but it made me a stronger person, a more compassionate person. Life is hard. We all have decisions to make. I would have been a shitty, angry mom to that baby, all alone in the world. I couldn't allow that to be my reality. Now I am ready to work on baby number 3, and yeah... life is good!

Editor's Comment

I am glad that your life has turned out well and that you are now with someone you love with 2 lovely children.
It sounds amazing that you were able to contact the other guy, dialogue with him and get closure. I think that developing a strong committed relationship before you decide to get pregnant is really important. Perhaps looking back you did not know your co-worker well enough and found yourself in a very pressured situation that was hard to handle.

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