A fetal abnormality meant my baby wouldn't make it to full term
I had a medical abortion at 13 weeks with my second child, this was due to a fetal abnormality. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do and I think about it every day.
It has now been 6 weeks and I feel guilty for carrying on with my life, it's as if the whole world is just passing me by like nothing ever happened. Some days I feel better but by night I feel I don't deserve to get on with my life.
I never ever thought about abortion in general as it is against my religion, let alone thinking I had to make this choice for my child.
I miss my baby so much
I feel so empty inside, I get such bad mood swings that I break things and start screaming and crying, I feel so lost.
I know everything happens for a reason and it was the right choice coz the doctor said baby wouldn't make it full term. I feel maybe if I looked after myself better then maybe it would be different.
I took a picture of my baby and I look at it every day.
The termination itself was like a small labour which I'm glad for, I felt I gave birth to my baby, the only thing I could do for him as his mother. He was so small and red but formed.
He looked perfect, like he was asleep
By looking at him you could not tell there was something wrong, he looked perfect like he was asleep
I keep thinking if I carried on with the pregnancy maybe things would change. My husband wants to try for another straight away and so do I but we haven't slept together yet as my bleeding has only just stopped, now plus I'm so scared that it might happen again, which I could not deal with it's been so hard.
Even my 3-year-old has been no comfort as I just want to be alone with the thoughts of my lost baby. I love my daughter so much and she needs me, so I get on with my day but inside I feel dead.
I've got no one to talk to, no one understands. I don't want to replace my boy but I would like another baby and I know god will give me one when the time is right, but I'm terrified of trying and falling pregnant again.
I just wish the pain would go away, I count the days since it happened and I count how far gone I would be every week, is this normal?
This story was sent in on 08/03/2012