I got an overwhelming sense of depression and then regret what I did and feel worse afterwards

I am 23 years of age and had an abortion one week ago. I was kind of trying to get pregnant but not really so it was unexpected. Originally I was very happy, although I suffer from depression.

I have been with my partner for four years and this was the third abortion I have had to him. I had a hard life growing up and my mother left us a lot. I experienced bullying at school and grew up very poor.

Every time I have gotten pregnant I have gotten severely sick with nausea, vomiting, constipation and have been unable to get out of my bed.

The problem though is that I really wanted my child and tried to be positive about it, but because of my unhappiness and nausea it was too overwhelming for me and I just couldn't see happiness.

[You can find links to more stories and experiences of abortion here.]

I felt I would be stuck, unhappy and end up being a single mum

I still don't know if I'm very happy in my relationship. I told everyone I was having a baby and my partner told his family and friends. We would have had a lot of support but something came over me and I terminated the pregnancy even though a part of me desperately wanted my baby.

I am grieving so much, I have so much regret

I keep imagining if I was still pregnant and wishing I had just held on 'till the sickness went. I feel so empty and regret it so much. I feel like I have nothing to live for now as I was so unhappy before the baby anyway, and it could have brought me so much joy.

I hate lying to everyone saying it was a miscarriage that is the worst. I don't know why this happens to me whenever I get pregnant. I got an overwhelming sense of depression and then I regret what I did and feel worse afterwards.