I decided, with the influence of the father (which I regret now), to have the abortion

I found out I was pregnant at 4 weeks, and had my medical abortion at 8 weeks.

After having 4 weeks to really argue with myself on what to do, I decided - with the influence of the father (which I regret now, and wish I'd done it more for myself) to have the abortion.

This was due to neither of us being in the job we want to be, and both living at home following getting back from travelling and not having much money!

I saw the screen and a heartbeat which was upsetting

We're 24 and 25. I had had 3 scans in this time as I was unsure on my dates, and was having slight spotting. I got to see the screen and saw it with a heartbeat... which was upsetting actually.

The first appointment and first tablet

Anyway, went for the first tablet on the Monday, was in and out in about 1 minute... and was to return on Wednesday for the day.

I didn't really get any side effects from the first tablet, although on Tuesday night I had slight bleeding.

The second appointment

On Wednesday I went in for 8am and had 4 tablets inserted vaginally by the nurse, these tablets cause sickness and diarrhoea, I was given an anti-sickness tablet, and told to stay in bed for the hour.

The sickness was awful, the worst part of the day

The sickness I felt for the next 2 hours was awful, but to be honest, the worst part of the day... after the hour I was able to get up and use the toilet and I had light bleeding, nothing too heavy.

At 11am I was given 2 tablets to take orally, after these I had mild stomach cramps, again nothing really unbearable...

I was up walking round the hospital grounds, and doing squats and starjumps in my room as I was told this would speed up the process...

I was bleeding but not enough to soak through the sanitary towels quickly, and still no clots.

By 12:30ish I was feeling no pain, no cramps... not even a twinge. I continued to be moving around and using the toilet but still nothing.

At 2pm I was given a further 2 tablets, by 4pm I was still feeling nothing, and passing nothing in the bleeding, so I was given a further 2 tablets and sent home.

I had slight stomach cramps again lasting about 20 minutes at 5pm... but still not passing anything. I kept going to the toilet at home as they had told me to go regularly to check what I was passing.

I passed the embryo at 8pm

It wasn't until 8pm that I passed what I think was the embryo

Quite a large clot (approx 5 inches long and 1.5 inches wide) and blood but still no pain. I passed 3 or 4 more large clots through the night about the size of squashed ping pong balls... but with no pain, and a few more through to Thursday evening, it is now Saturday and I am still passing clots but without pain... I am bleeding like a heavy period.

I had scared myself so much before the procedure, thinking I'd be in agony... I don't have a high pain threshold... but I think because it was so dragged out over 2 days, the pain just wasn't there.

I regret my abortion hugely

I had been very upset in the days leading up to the abortion

I did want this child... but I want a family too which I would not have had if I kept the child as the father and I are no longer together. It was a very tough decision and at times I wished for longer to think about it, but I guess that wouldn't have made a huge difference.

Now it feels over, I am really upset, I regret my decision hugely... I know I could have managed alone with this baby, I just felt scared about doing so.

Post-abortion counselling

I haven't been offered any counselling once from my GP or the trust, but I think I may try and get it as I really think it would help. I know it's normal to feel some regret and grieve... I was expecting to feel like this, I just really cannot believe I went through with it now.

People told me to do it for myself

People were telling me to not let him influence me, to do it for myself, and at the time I thought “it's too easy to say that, I want my baby to have a dad who wants to be a dad” but really, do it for yourself because the regret afterwards is a horrible, horrible feeling.

This story was sent in on 31/03/2012 and it's been viewed 1,458 times.

Editor's comment

I agree with you that counselling would be helpful for you as you come to terms with these difficult emotions. You can access this through this website - follow the link to find a centre for post abortion support in your area.

It is easy to be swept along with a decision particularly if your boyfriend was strongly persuasive. It probably seemed like the rational choice, but it sounds as though your heart was telling you to make a go of it even if you did have to manage alone.

Read more abortion stories

A medical abortion at 6 weeks after a one night stand

Previous

A regreted 3rd abortion after suffering depression

Next

Help & support is available

If you're struggling through a situation like that described above, or have been affected by similar issues in the past, no matter how long ago, help is available.

You can get free, sensitive & confidential help at a centre near you. Use these links for:

Got a story to tell?

Relating your story to other people can be difficult but can be very rewarding.

If you'd like to tell other readers, possibly facing the same problems you did, about your experiences please click the button to:

Tell your story →