A medical abortion at 6 weeks after a one night stand

I just turned 19 in February and I was a virgin. I saw my virginity as a nuisance and I wanted to lose it so badly.
It just so happened that the first time I gave it away I got pregnant. It's only now that I realise I should have seen my virginity as a gift that I shared with someone who deserved it.
A month later I was 3 days late and I automatically knew I was pregnant. I thought it was karma or God, something slapping me back in my face for my careless behavior. I let a week pass hoping it was just stress from finding out my dad had prostate cancer that was interrupting my cycle. But it wasn't.
I called Planned Parenthood and came in for a walk-in pregnancy. In the waiting room I felt uncomfortable. Grown, distressed women sat with judgement in their eyes. I never thought in a millions years I would be there. After I gave a urine test, I was sent to the counselling floor and when they called me in I still had hope I wasn't pregnant. The counsellor asked me when was my last period and as I thought back to remember, she looked over her computer and said "because you are in fact pregnant".

Shock. Confusion. Anger. Lost. So much emotions going through my head made me burst into tears.

I knew that I could not have a baby. A freshman in college living with her parents who were both ill. I thought of adoption but I couldn't carry a baby for nine months. What would my parents, my friends, think of me? All these thoughts ran through my mind as I went home. I had to have an abortion.
A week later I was back at the same place to have a medical abortion. I was six weeks pregnant. I took the 1st pill there and the next day I took the other 4 at home.
I was in terrible pain but it went away rather quickly.
Today as I reflect on what I went through, I regret even having sex with a guy I knew didn't care about me and I never did and never will tell him I was pregnant and had an abortion. I didn't think I believed in abortion until I was stuck in a situation where I felt it was my only option. It is so easy to judge others when you're not in their shoes like I did. But once you are, everything changes.

Editor's Comment

I think there are many women similar to you that don't feel abortion is the right choice for them until they are in a difficult position, and feel that it is the choice they must make. The problem is that going against beliefs and values that you hold can cause feelings of guilt and regret afterwards. It is sad that you saw your virginity as a problem and not a precious gift to give to someone who loved you, and respected you. I would encourage you to think in terms of secondary virginity, and save yourself again for someone who will love and respect you and not use you. If you are struggling with difficult emotions post abortion, there is help available and I would encourage you to access this through the website, or a pregnancy support centre where you live.

This story was sent in on 01/04/2012

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