A 23 year old woman in a new relationship with an unplanned pregnancy

By anonymous on 25/10/2012
I'm a 23 year old woman who is happy in a new relationship (3 months) but I found out 2 days ago that I am 3 weeks pregnant, unplanned of course. I am unsure what to do as I never thought I'd be in this situation. I always said that if I ever got in this situation I couldn't ever have an abortion, however that is the first thing I googled when I found out, after taking 4 more tests!
I told a friend who said she was happy for me and thought I could do it, that I would make a fab mum. I've been swings and roundabouts since finding out, I can do it, no I can't, happy, scared, googling everything from abortion to baby development and pram costs...

I told my partner and he was very supportive.

He said its my decision ultimately, that he will support me and be there for me whatever, but he thinks it is best not to continue with the pregnancy.
He said he doesn't want to push me or be harsh but he said as we have only been together a short time he doesn't want to ruin things between us, which he feels a baby would, as it is too much. He also said that you've, (I've) only just started my career, second year on the job. All true.**However we are also concerned of the mental/emotional affects of abortion and the affects this could have on our relationship** He said he could handle it but is concerned if I would be able to.
We want to stay together but either decision has repercussions. Practically we have agreed this is the best option but I still have a nagging reluctance. I have a good career, car and live alone in a rented house. My partner is also in stable employment, has a car and currently rents a room from a friend so we are in a better position than some.I have always said I want children, as does he, although admittedly not this young, with a very new partner and I don't want him to feel trapped. I couldn't keep it without his wanting that too, 100%, as I fear on either part we could end up resenting each other! I don't want to ruin his life but right now I feel like I'm juggling 3 lives in my hands...

The other issue is that my family would be very shocked as they don't know I'm in a relationship and if they found out I am pregnant they would be dissappointed/angry and my father would not speak to me as he is very strict.

I agree with my partner that its probably too soon and practically not continuing is the best option but I am unsure how I will handle this decision as children are literally my life-I work with children. I have an appointment booked at a clinic for a few weeks time.I just wish someone could tell me what the best option is, how I will feel after?

Editor's Comment

This is obviously an agonising decision for you both, and hard to face in a relatively new relationship. I wish that someone could tell you the best option as well but unfortunately it is a decision that you have to make yourself and that feels very frightening and lonely.
What CareConfidential advisors can do is help and support you, and I do hope you will access that help if you still need it. I can understand that your circumstances point to not having a baby at this stage in your relationship. However, your heart seems to be telling you that you would love to keep the baby and that you have always wanted children.

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