My boyfriend and I found out we were pregnant 3 months before I graduated high school.
Two weeks after my period was due, I took a pregnancy test and it verified that I was pregnant... I immediately panicked and picked up the phone and called my mom. As soon as I blurted out the words, "I'm pregnant" I started crying. I didn't know what to do. And I remember the deafening silence on the other end of the line, then her saying, "Oh my god, you are kidding me" She was NOT happy. To be honest, once the initial shock of being pregnant wore off, I assumed we would do the responsible thing and keep the baby and make things work. My boyfriend told me his parents would kick him out. I immediately thought, "My mom would probably let us move down close to her." Boy was I wrong.
When I approached my mom about moving down by her, she told me that there was no way she could help me with a baby right now. She said she was having enough trouble as it was getting my brothers adjusted to their new life and new stepdad. And my stepdad hated my boyfriend so he didn't want anything to do with him. Okay, cross that option off the list. Next I went to my dad who said, "Well, you two will need to move out. You can't live here. You can get an apartment and live together and raise the baby." At that moment, I was making minimum wage at an after school job and so was my boyfriend.
I knew there was no way we could make it without help.I can not describe to you how helpless I felt. I wanted to take responsibility for getting pregnant, I wanted to keep the baby, and I was just looking for a way to make it happen. I got absolutely no support from my parents and saw no other option than to have an abortion. I had an abortion at 11 weeks. During that time, everyone just continued to pretend everything was normal. My dad drove me to my appointment and once it was over, I spent the weekend in bed crying.
The week after graduation, my mom and brothers came to pick me up for a family vacation. My mom got out of the car to help me with my suitcase and instead of being happy she was angry with me. She said, "I hope you realize you really messed up your life. I can't believe you." and my dad chimed in, "Yes, you killed our first GRANDCHILD!" I could not believe they were ANGRY with ME. I immediately burst into tears and ran to the car. I didn't speak to anyone for days.
In the years since, my mom starts crying anytime we watch a movie with a baby being born. I finally had a heart to heart conversation with her and told her that had she *even once* tried to help me come up with a solution, I would have kept the baby. She feels incredibly guilty and doesn't remember the conversation on the front stoop. But every time I think about it I start to cry. It is one moment in my life I will never forget. It broke my heart. :(
My hope for writing this story is this: To families of pregnant teens, please put aside your shock and anger and realize that this is YOUR grandchild. While you may be angry with the actions of your child, they need you more than ever. Don't abandon them and don't push them away. If you do, they may make the same choice I did, and it may be one you regret for the rest of your life.
Editor's CommentIt is very sad that poor communication made you feel that your mum and dad would not support you. It sounds as though they were in shock at first and that it was only after the abortion that they realised the consequences of what had happened. Sadly it is you who has to live with this painful decision, knowing that you longed to keep the baby and just needed some support from your family.
This story was sent in on 29/10/2012