Two years ago I had an abortion that would change my life.

Two years ago I had an abortion that would change my life. Initially with the pregnancy, I felt so blessed. Abortion didn't even cross my mind. My boyfriend was excited and shared the news with his family. Every time I left a prenatal visit, I was elated.
Weeks went on, and my boyfriend started to renege on promises he made. He no longer wanted to move in with me; all of a sudden he didn't want to get married. He became sort of cold. He eventually tried to warm-up to me again by touching and rubbing my stomach. I think he was misbehaving because I discovered he had multiple female friends corrupting his thinking.
To make a long story short, I told my ex-husband I was pregnant, and he lost his mind. He was in my ear every day encouraging me to abort the baby. My ex said this because he was jealous. His sisters called me on a regular basis asking me what I was going to do. All of a sudden, my mind was soo confused. I went into a state of depression. What's worst,I felt that no one understood me.

I couldn't understand how I went from being happy to being extremely depressed.


I was 17 weeks pregnant,and I felt like a horrible mother to my unborn child. I felt it was unfair to bring a human being into my chaos. Although my boyfriend was being a jerk, he still wanted the baby.
I asked him again was he going to make the necessary changes to make sure our unborn child had a good start in life. He said nothing. I needed him to at least say he would move in with me.
In my confused and depressed state of mind, I made several appointments at the abortion clinic. I missed several appointments, until January 20, 2011. That day was like no other. I called my ex-husband's sister, and she said she would take time off work to accompany me to the clinic. Of course, it was an all day process. I was out of my mind. I really started to mentally unravel when the nurse gave me a pill to loosen and open my cervix.

There was no turning back then.

I knew I was going to hell. I had the procedure and have never been the same. Afterwards, I was in excruciating pain everytime I saw a pregnant woman. I could barely be loving to newborns. I was very disconnected with my own baby niece because if my baby lived he or she would have been the same age. Every day, all I could think about was becoming pregnant again.

Editor's Comment

It is sad that your relationship changed and you felt you could no longer trust your boyfriend. You must have felt very vulnerable at a time when you most needed to be sure of his committment to you and the unborn baby. It sounds as though your abortion decision came from feeling depressed and uncertain about you future. Now you have to come to terms with what you have been through, and this may involve post abortion counselling to work through some of the painful emotions you are feeling.

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