I knew the second I saw those two lines that I did not want another baby.

I am 37, happily married with 3 children ages 5, 7, and 9. My husband and I use condoms as our method of birth control. One day while showering, we started to be intimate for just a moment, got out of the shower, grabbed a condom, and yada yada. That moment of passionate stupidity ended with me being 4 days late starting my period. I took a home pregnancy test which showed that I was indeed pregnant. I knew the second I saw those two lines that I did not want another baby. Some back story; We own our own business. Last year we lost our biggest customer, and have not been recovering well. We have had to fire many employees, now down to just two. For several months we have not taken our personal cheques just to cover our employees cheques and our numerous bills. We are about to lose the building we are currently in because we can't keep up with the rent which means we will have to relocate. Relocating our business isn't an easy task. We have very large equipment that will cost a lot to move. My husband has already had to tap into his 401K savings, and in order to move we will have to draw on mine as well. Over the course of trying to keep our heads above water we have also lost our health and dental insurance. These are just some of the financial reasons for my decision to have an abortion. After my last pregnancy I was diagnosed with a degenerative disk in my lower back. My body simply will not take another pregnancy. Also being close to 40, I worry about the complications that can come from a pregnancy at my age. Like I said before, we have no health insurance. And on paper we make too much money to qualify for any kind of assistance. My middle child is ADHD, and a few months ago I decided to make drastic changes in our diet in order to get him off the medication he was prescribed. These changes cost almost twice the amount that we used to spend on groceries, but is totally worth every penny. On another note, both my husband and I feel that our family is complete just the way it is. Which leads me to the choice I made. Frankly I can't believe that I even considered an abortion. But honestly it was the first thing that popped into my head when I saw the home test. Not very long ago I was arguing with my Mother about why I thought abortion was wrong. I have believed for many years that abortion should only be used for three reasons, life of the mother, rape, or incest. Never for convenience or a form of birth control. And then here I was, in this situation, faced with a pregnancy that I whole-heartily didn't want. I am a Christian. I am a libertarian, and usually vote republican when there isn't a Libertarian choice. I have never felt so humbled in all my life. Arguing the rhetoric against abortion for as long a I have...recalling all the things I said to my Mom during that conversation...I do not feel guilty for having the abortion, I feel guilty for the things I said though. I have prayed about this to my God. And I feel that God has taken me to my knees, cutting off my legs of self-righteousness. This has been a lesson in humility. I chose the pill. I was only 5 1/2 weeks, (pregnant for 3 weeks), the fetus was the size of a sesame seed, no heartbeat, a cluster of cells with information. This made me feel better for some reason. I was scared after reading some of the horror stories on here related to the pill. But my experience was nothing short of easy. I inserted the pills inside myself, laid down, and had very mild cramps. I fell asleep and did not wake up through the night. Upon waking I went to the bathroom and most of it just fell into the toilet. For the rest of the day I bled a little, and passed a little bit more of the lining of my uterus. No substantial cramping, I didn't even take any pain medication other than the one I was instructed to take before the insertion the night before. Because I was so early, it was just like a normal period. I never saw anything that looked like the pregnancy, because it was so small and undetectable. Today is day two. And I am having a very light period. Now, I must say that I think my lack of severe cramps has everything to do with our change in diet I mentioned earlier. We have been off all forms of dairy for two months. I read that dairy can be a factor in bad periods. I have always had pretty bad periods, not this time. I feel relieved that I am no longer pregnant. My husband is going to schedule a vasectomy as soon as we have the finances to do so. We will continue with condoms until then, as I am totally against taking birth control, not for religious reasons, but because I am uncomfortable taking any medications. Food is my medicine and medicine is my food. Since changing what we eat, I haven't been sick at all, neither have any of my children.

Editor's Comment

Thanks for your very honest account of how you decided on abortion despite being against abortion. When you are faced with an unwanted pregnancy in difficult financial circumstances, you often feel challenged by your ideals. I hope you will get some post abortion support if you need to talk this through, and process any of your thoughts or feelings.
This story was sent in on 25/05/2013 and it's been viewed 408 times.

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