I wish I hadn't chased him. I dream of being empowered, not needy, not desperate to be liked by that stupid boy. What a fool, to throw my life away for someone so unworthy of me. And the consequence for him...
The consequence for me was bigger than me.
How abortion destroyed my faith and my belief.
I'm 32 now, and the decision I made at 16 has changed me and tormented me for the past 16 years. I was never offered counselling, the doctors explained nothing to me, no-one discussed consequences with me. I was chasing a boy who was nothing, had nothing, could do nothing, a waster, and now, suited and booted, his life is a success, his career is intact, his family, supportive. And my life, until recently, sixteen years after my abortion,was nothing but chaos. Everything in my life was ruined. I sit here at 32 with nothing of my own. Despairing and cold, I have no friends, very few relationships, a series of work dismissals and a desperate need to feel loved.
If I'm bitter, its because I am.
If I'm angry, its because I'm broken.
If I'm complex, its because I'm analysing, reliving and punishing myself for my decision that has sent me quite literally out of my mind.
If only I could turn back time.
It is very sad to have carried such painful consequences of your decision for 16 years. You have clearly agonised over your relationship when you were 16, and wondered why it has been so destructive.
I can only say that tomorrow is a new day and you can seek help to be able to walk free and draw a line under this experience. The Journey programme has helped many women like yourself to find hope and peace, and I would encourage you to call the helpline or log onto Online advisor to get the help you need. You can call the national helpline, log on to Online advisor, or follow the link to find a centre for post abortion support in your area.