I was 17 when I underwent my abortion

I hope this story helps young girls out there who are confused and stuck. You should know that you are never alone.
I was 17 when I underwent my abortion. I was at high school, doing really well and loving life. I had just been to Thailand with my boyfriend and his family and was having an all round good year.
My mother unfortunately was diagnosed with breast cancer. This put a huge strain on my family. My father was also made redundant, another huge strain on my family!

I soon found out I was pregnant. I was working a late night after school and took a test. I couldn't call the doctors as they were closed so I called first thing next day. They booked the first available appointment to get a scan to determine how far along I was. We found out I was 16 weeks pregnant, meaning I was to have an abortion under a general anesthetic rather than a local (I would be asleep during the operation not awake).
I went back to the doctors the next day, had to have blood tests etc and I was booked for the first available appointment at the abortion clinic in the hospital. My boyfriend and I went in only to find out that I would have to come back the week after. I was 19 weeks pregnant at this point. We had to go in on the wednesday to have a lamineria inserted. These are two small rods made out of seaweed that expand overnight to gently stretch the cervix making it easier to remove the baby. The next day we went in for the abortion.

I was fully aware of the baby at that stage, it was the most heartbreaking thing I ever had to do.

I could feel him rolling around inside of me but I simply could not put that stress on my parents who were already suffering. Growing up they always said if I got pregnant young they would be disappointed, I couldn't add this to their own heartaches.
I was given pills to put the baby asleep I believe, then had to wait in this tiny room by myself for over an hour.

All I could do was cry.

I was moved to the operating room and put to sleep while they aborted my baby.
We named him Oliver, and on the 26th of July each year I will remember him. I didn't abort him because I am a monster, I aborted him because I was not ready for a baby, or to lose my parents over something like this. I loved him, and I felt him and wish everyday things could have been different but I know I did the right thing.

Editor's Comment

A very sad story and I can understand the pressure you were feeling with your mother's diagnosis, and your father being made redundant. You were afraid to give them another difficulty to face, but it is also a hard secret to keep from them. You feel regret and yet you cannot see how it could have been different. I hope that you can access post abortion counselling and support if you need it.

This story was sent in on 24/10/2013

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