I'm 14 years old and made the worst mistake of my life

By anonymous on 05/11/2013

In august 2013 I started getting a little bit of sickness and just thought I had a bug or something, but my partner started to think I was pregnant. I went round to his parent's house one day and we went to the store to go get some food. When we got to the checkout I noticed he had put in a pack of 2 store brand pregnancy tests. I didn't say a word to him but when we got back upstairs to his place he sat me down and asked if I had missed my period. I never really thought about it but then I worked it out and I had. We talked and I needed to pee real bad so went and took the test wrapped it in toilet tissue because I didn't want to see it, put the cap on and took it back to his room. We waited 3 minutes, he unwrapped it I wouldn't look but he told me to the line was so clear I was pregnant at 14, still in school and he was 16 with a job that only brought in £200 a week.

We were determined to keep the baby

I then told my nan and granddad and they made me a doctor's appointment to see a midwife. **They told me if I didn't get rid of the baby I would go into care.** We then told my partner's family. His mum took it well and she told me she would be there for me.
Then me and my partner started to fall out a lot I was still going to keep the baby but he sent me death threats and got girls on me.
My midwife told me my scan date 6 days before my scan, the most emotional thing ever seeing my baby on that little screen playing around in my tummy.

When I got home me and my nan argued a lot and she forced me to get an abortion

On October 23rd a Wednesday, I remember the nurse asking me if it was what I wanted. I wanted to say so badly I don't want it but my nan made me say yes.
I remember Wednesday morning waking up and crying my eyes out getting to the bpas clinic in Doncaster. I didn't tell my partner but on Wednesday 23rd 2013 at 13 weeks and 4 days I had a surgical abortion.

I was sent into a waiting room to wait, was then called through to the first nurse to confirm details and fill in forms. Then I was called through to a 2nd nurse to take a big pink tablet, then to put 2 small white tablets under my tongue that would soften my cervix.
About 20 min after taking them I was in so much pain and I was drifting in and out of consciousness. Some other lady that was there for an abortion and her partner carried me to help. I was taken up and put in a bed by the wall. In the room was another lady just getting ready to have her abortion she heard me talking to my belly and I said 'God please forgive me for my sins and told my baby that no matter what I loved them.' The lady came over and hugged me told me everything was going to be okay. She then went and a nurse came in and told me to get changed into the robes.
About 20 min after that they came to get me told me to lay on this bed. I cried my eyes out. They put a cannula into the back of my hand put an oxygen mask on me and my surgeon came through and said we were ready.
By the time I went to say *no* it was too late. I was asleep the next thing I remember was waking up crying, cursing myself for what I had just done.
They told me to get up put me in a wheelchair, took me into a lift that was small and dingy and dark, then wheeled me into a room with loads of other girls that had just had abortions.

I sat and cried

Then after 5 minutes was told to get up and go to the toilet. I sat down and this big gush of blood came out. I then got up went back into the room and they asked me how my bleeding was and told me to get changed into my clothes and go downstairs and get something to eat. I didn't want to eat but they made me.
Once I had eaten I was told to go into another waiting room. I was in there for about 15 minute then I was called through to another nurse to sign some papers, collect my discharge letter, get antibiotics, then told to go.

My baby was now medical waste it was murder. My baby was striped of its life and no one cared. I had the worst experience with bpas in Doncaster no one listens or understands when something is not right. **I hate myself for aborting my baby**

Editor's Comment

I think that because of your age other people made this decision for you and you felt powerless and that you did not have a voice. Legally they should have checked that you were able to make a decision yourself and then given you a counselling session to talk through what you really wanted to do. Sadly it sounds as though you were not given the chance to express your true feelings, and you were frightened of what would happen if you did not go along with your nan's decision. I think you need some post abortion help and support. Please contact Careconfidential for some help. Your nearest post abortion counsellor is in Sheffield but it may be able to support you through Online counsellor. You can call the national helpline, log on to Online advisor, or follow the link to find a centre for post abortion support in your area.

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