I went through the pain aloneBy anonymous on 01/02/2014
I'm only 18. I've never been in support of abortions, but I had to go through with it because I didn't want to be hated by my parents and other family members.
It's been terrible, I wish I never went through with it. I cannot believe I murdered my own child, alone. I went through the pain alone, hardly got any support from the father of the child, not that he was my boyfriend but we had a thing and I expected way more from him.
I had a feeling I was pregnant, I didn't take it seriously until I missed my period, I felt that it didn't come because I had taken birth control pills and had knowledge that it messes with the menstrual cycle. I did a pregnancy test on Saturday 25th of January. Till today, I still don't know how far gone I was because I was scared and I didn't even want my mom to be suspicious.
The misoprostol pills were gotten for me by the guy that was responsible, with instructions on how to use them. I had already timed myself that night on when to use the drugs. Time went by so fast that day, and I just sat in the bathroom, prepared. I couldn't cry, the tears didn't come. I had read several stories on medical abortions and was prepared for the pain that accompanied it. After popping the pills, I started feeling funny almost immediately. My belly made several sounds, I knew it was happening but the pain then wasn't so much.
Hours past and the pain got intense.I threw up and went to the toilet over a dozen times, I was writhing in pain, I still didn't cry. This was around 2 in the morning, I didn't understand why the pain was so much, I was pretty upset that I went through this alone, without the guy being with me, to hold my hand through it or something. I had read somewhere that ibuprofen could help the pain. I took nurofen express, 200mg (4 tabs). It didn't help at all. I was upset, I couldn't sleep. I kept cursing (because I was so angry). I woke up hours later, I had seen things come out from my vagina but I couldn't identify them because I didn't know what I was to see or what it would look like. I figured it was my baby after all. I woke up some minutes after 5am and felt so much better.
I returned to school two days after, thinking everything was over, the cramps got worse. I couldn't stop taking painkillers, sometimes it didn't even help. It's been one week since the abortion and I still feel terrible. I regret going through with it, I wish I had my baby. I wish I had kept it, this is going to haunt me forever and I know it. I can't stop crying. If I ever get pregnant again I won't go through with an abortion. It is a sin, a huge one and I hope God forgives me for this, I cannot even forgive myself.