A missed abortion
I am not big on sharing, having grown up as a single child. But putting it in words: I want to put it past behind me. Some 4 hours have passed since it happened and am trawling the net to know am not alone. I had a medical abortion. I underwent a routine scan at 8 weeks when I was told there was a no heart beat. It was a missed abortion. Strangely, the devastation was so great I went into a numb haze while my mom expressed the feelings I felt but could not show. I am 38 years old and this was my first pregnancy. I had been carrying a dead fetus inside of me for two weeks and did not know it. Yes the nausea was not intense as it had been initially but I thought it was normal. I had the same weird food cravings, my breasts were swollen and tender, and I felt a fullness in the abdomen. At night and times when no one was around, I stroked my lower abdomen, whispering to myself, my baby. Grief struck when I spoke to my husband. I was not sure if he was as sad as me. He had another child from an earlier relationship, he couldn't understand my pain, or so am thinking now. He is not with me now, being overseas at present, my parents are. Medical professionals, they, just as I am, they were shattered. And so this morning, after taking my oral abortion inducing drugs, just about an hour after, I vomited everything I ate despite taking anti emetic drugs. And then the pain. Oh, it is nothing like anything I have experienced this far. It is as if I wanted to evacuate my entire bowel along with a giddiness. It was as if I just wanted to die. The pain medications did not help. I had taken drotavarine injection which did nothing. I got up from my bed and sat down to floor twisting and turning, delirious from pain. This lasted for almost 3 hours and then I felt myself expelling something with a gush and felt my pad soaked. I had passed the tiny fetal tissue. The pain subsided a little, but I still had spasms. After a few hours when I went to change my napkin, placental tissue and amniotic sac started expelling. I knew I shouldn't extract them manually. I strained to push out the contents. I examined the placenta and sac, it appeared complete to me. But am still having spasmodic contractions and I figure some remnants are still inside. Until I have a scan I will not know. After all this trauma, am praying to God, Let my uterus please be empty God, I have no strength in me to subject myself to a surgical check curettage. Please God.
It is very sad to lose a baby in this way and a real shock to find out that there was on heartbeat at a routine scan. I am sure it will take some time to come to terms with this loss. for baby loss support.