I felt different. I could feel a change in my body and although my period was not due for a week, I took a pregnancy test, with my friend waiting outside. It was positive...

I felt different. I could feel a change in my body and although my period was not due for a week, I took a pregnancy test, with my friend waiting outside. It was positive, they both were. I felt completely alone and so confused. I could not tell my parents or anyone in my family, as becoming pregnant before marriage is frowned upon, even forbidden. I was in complete shock; the contraception had not worked, so I decided to take the morning after pill. What are the odds…I went to my family doctor, which I was very embarrassed about, to discuss my options. He referred me to an abortion clinic and said I would get an appointment within 5 - 7 days. I had to wait 3 weeks! I was feeling very emotional and tired, but did not think it was anything to do with the pregnancy, but the strain of the situation. Meanwhile I had developed pains in my right side. As I had taken the Morning After Pill, I was at risk of ectopic pregnancy. I spent the whole day in hospital, with my friend, having blood tests, tubes inserted, internal examinations and tests for STD's. It was painful, exhausting and humiliating. I had an internal scan, which was uncomfortable. The woman scanning me had not read my notes and asked for me to come back in a few weeks time. I wanted to see the scan, see what was inside me. It was a little circle, perfect and tiny. Luckily, I did not have an ectopic pregnancy and was sent home. I did not want to see the father, or for him to be involved, because getting rid of our baby would have been so much harder. I resented him, I blamed him, but I still loved him. As we are both studying, we knew it would be impossible to raise a child, especially as we both live at home. And that's without the drama of having to tell my family. The abortion clinic was quite far. They were friendly and professional and I was lucky that another friend came with me. There were LOTS of questions. The first day I swallowed a pill and was told that I would not feel any different and to come back the following day. I was also given antibiotics to prevent any risk of infection. The second day, I had a scan, this time it was not internal. The nurse asked if I had been having any pain and when I said yes, she said that the hospital had noted that I had a 'corpus luteum’. I was taken to a room, where a nurse inserted for tablets at the end of a tampon and I was free to go home. I was warned that bleeding could start within an hour. I started bleeding that afternoon, I had prepared with painkillers. I was home alone. But nothing could prepare for the pain. At first it was more like a really bad period. I passed out several times. I was violently sick. I felt dizzy and could barely make it to the toilet. The bleeding was really heavy, but that was to be expected. I stayed in bed with a hot water bottle, but nothing helped. At 4am in the morning, I woke up with shooting pains and cramps. As I sat on the toilet, I could feel the embryo being expelled. It was whole, but I did not look. After that, the pain eased although the bleeding continued, I was back up on my feet. I bled for two weeks, the pain in my right side has gone and I am a few months from graduation. I am very lucky with my friends. I am no longer in a relationship and fully dedicated to my studies. Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing your experience…It must have taken all your strength and courage to see this through alone without any support. As a physical experience, it is challenging enough, isn’t it? With emotions as well, which you don’t mention very much, it can be very hard. I wonder, now that you have come through it, whether you are allowing yourself any space to process the emotions that came with your experience? Perhaps a time will come for that and you can then be kind to yourself and seek some support to help your deeper self come to terms with what has happened. Help is available through our centres, the helpline or Online Advisor if you ever feel you need to talk about it.
This story was sent in on 15/01/2008 and it's been viewed 2,011 times.

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I pray, if we do have souls, that my angel is safe and protected in heaven, as I didn’t have the strength to protect my baby on earth.

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