He just didn't care, and that hurt.

Three weeks ago I found out that I was pregnant, I was 4 weeks and 3 days along.
I told the father of the baby who was just a friend to me. He told me that he didn't want a baby, and couldn't take care of one at this point in life.
I am 19 years old, and he is 20 years old. He told me to leave him out of it, and wanted nothing to do with me or this baby. He did not want any proof that I was pregnant or anything. He just didn't care, and that hurt.

The day after I told him, I went to the health department where they gave me a pregnancy test which came back positive like I already knew. They were pushing me to have the baby, and I hadn't really given anything any thought. I was overwhelmed and emotional. Eventually the father started talking to me, but he wanted me to have an abortion.

I've been against them for as long I can remember, but I had one anyway.

I went to a woman's centre a week later and had a medical abortion where they gave me a pill at the clinic, and then four more to take the following day 24 hours later. They also gave me a prescription for pain medication, and nausea medication.
I went home and had a little bit of spotting. The next day I let the four pills dissolve in my mouth. About 30 minutes after the pills finished dissolving, which took 45 minutes, I started to bleed. I did not feel any pain for the first few hours. about four hours after putting the four pills in my mouth, I started to feel cramps sort of like period cramps.
In a few hours the bleeding slowed down, but I continued to have light bleeding for the following two weeks.
Tomorrow I go back to my follow up appt to make sure I passed the pregnancy, and I'm feeling self hate. I hate my friend for not stepping up and being supportive. At times I wish I didn't do what I did, but in the end I made the right choice for me. I'm not ready to be a mum, and I feel so selfish because I know if I had the baby I wouldn't be able to give it up, but I also couldn't raise it on my own. I'm dealing with it, and now my friend isn't talking to me, and will not tell me why he won't and I've felt so alone.
If you decide to have an abortion make sure you have someone supportive of you to help you through it, It will make things so much easier then going through it alone.

Editor's Comment

It is always a dilemma when your own value system is against abortion, but your circumstances and rational are telling you that it feels like the right option. You are likely to struggle with the decision, and feel guilty because you have crossed your own value system.
I hope that you have been able to talk to someone about your experience, but if you would like some more support please get in touch, for post abortion support. or call the post abortion helpline 0300 4000 999.
This story was sent in on 13/11/2014 and it's been viewed 191 times.

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