I am 17 years old and had a medical abortion today.

Something I wouldn't ever do again, it was a lot worse than what I thought it would be like. The pain doesn't stop and it's the worst pain I've ever felt, the nurses told me it would be like period cramp, doesn't come close to period cramp.

I was frightened and had so much regret afterwards.

I prepared myself by looking on the internet at pictures and stories. When I eventually passed my pregnancy with the abortion it's an image I won't be able to get out my head, I went to the toilet and as I pulled my pants down there was something on my knickers, it was my poor harmless lifeless baby. The head wasn't attached to the body and the head had little black eyes and I could see the tiny nostrils.
I felt so guilty and hurt that my own baby was now in a pool of blood when he could have been growing nicely in my tummy. My whole mind went blank and I just didn't know what to think other than, 'I regret this so much'. I personally don't think I'll forgive myself for what I've done but I will move on from it.
I wrote my baby a letter to get off my chest how sorry I was and I didn't do it to hurt the baby only to protect.
I think if you're considering an abortion really think about it first look at the situation in every possible way before you make the decision, because if I could I'd have my baby back and prepare for it coming into the world.

Editor's Comment

It is very hard at 17 to make such a massive decision, and really be able to think through the consequences. Abortion is legal and widely available, and it often feels the best and easiest decision without really knowing how you might feel and react afterwards. One thing I would say is that it is hard to really move on unless you forgive yourself. You can choose to accept that for you this was a mistake and know that you will learn a painful lesson from that mistake, but then forgive yourself for making it. If you need some more support it is available, for post abortion support.

This story was sent in on 01/12/2014

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