He said to me that we couldn't go through with it.By anonymous on 20/02/2015
I was 20 when I found out I was pregnant. I had known I was pregnant before I even took the test due to my late period. My boyfriend would joke around about getting me pregnant and I remember asking him what he'd do if I were to fall pregnant to which he replied "I'd correspond at school and get a part time job". I kind of felt safe to know that he'd be that supportive.
Until the day came, I remember the first thing he said to me was that we couldn't go through with it. I was so angry and felt so betrayed. All I could do was cry. He spoke about financial issues which was understandable but I know we would've made it work.
Everybody I told kept reminding me about how young we were after I'd tell them I'm keeping it, that got me so angry and emotional but I suppose it was the hormones and based on that I made the decision to terminate my pregnancy. I thought about the disappointment I'd bring upon my family and the financial predicament I'd be in and more than anything, I couldn't build up the courage to tell my mom, I was scared and alone in this plus I was confused.
All I actually needed was support, mainly from the father but I suppose he was freaking out.
I think about what I did every single day and I pray to God and to my baby to forgive me. It's been 3 months now yet it still hurts so bad and I can't stop crying. I feel like such a terrible person and such a let down to the women out there, I should have protected and fought for my baby's life and all I could do was think about mine. I'm trying to find peace but its so hard, how do I get over killing my own child? It's a life time ache that I'll never be able to forget. I keep repressing these feelings and trying to forget but every time I do that I feel like I'm losing my mind, almost like I lose touch with reality.
It's gotten to a point where I can't even recognize myself emotionally because the person I was a few years ago would've never done what I did, I can't say I've been so heartbroken about anything in my life like the way I'm hurting right now. I feel like nobody's life should be determined by money ever, the day human beings valued money over life was the end of humanity and if I could turn back the hands of time I would. I hate myself for what I did.