We knew we had to make one of the biggest decisions of our lives.
I was in such a weird state of shock because I didn't know how to feel. All I knew was that I had to tell my boyfriend of over 3 years and then maybe I would know how to feel. When I told him, he was in as much shock as I was. He didn't know what to do or what to say but we knew we had to make one of the biggest decisions of our lives sooner than later because I was so far into my pregnancy.
We are both 19 and in university, living at home so circumstances really weren't on our side. We considered everything, even adoption but eventually mutually decided to have a termination. I have always been pro-choice for both men and women. I have always felt a man should always have a say too so his feelings were important to me.
The next day I called my GP and he left a termination form at the desk for me with instructions on how to book and a number for Marie Stopes.
When I called the clinic I found out that I was 7 weeks pregnant.
I initially booked a medical termination but on reading other women’s adverse experiences and after I really took into account how far into the pregnancy I was I rescheduled a surgical termination. I felt that for me it would be less painful physically and mentally. And because I was so close into the cut off point for having a medical abortion.
I had to wait a week for my appointment. This turned out to be one of the hardest weeks of my life. My boyfriend tried his hardest to be there for me and I tried the same for him but I knew how hard it was for him deep down.
During that week my pregnancy symptoms were really bad. I felt constantly nauseous, constantly faint and weak, my body temperature was constantly hot in the winter I had constant bad head aches and other flu like symptoms. I always felt hungry but never could eat without wanting to feel sick. Sometimes those symptoms would get so bad that my eye sight would go temporarily. The stress with what was going on didn't help either.
it was so hard and impossible for me to not feel an emotional attachment to the pregnancy throughout those days I was constantly questioning our decision and even asked myself if we could give love then nothing else especially money should matter. But as the days went on, my symptoms got progressively worse and I knew deep down I could not last another 8 or so months in pain like this.
On the day, I couldn't eat anything prior. I had an STI test taken as well as a pregnancy scan. My boyfriend was with me throughout. We weren't asked if we wanted to see the scan or told how far into the pregnancy I was and I didn't ask. After waiting a while longer it was my turn to go up to the operating room I have never been so nervous or seen my boyfriend so scared either.
On the operating table I was told the procedure shouldn't last any longer than 5 minutes and I was reassured that a nurse would constantly be monitoring me and my breathing and consciousness throughout. I can't remember anything from the procedure. It took me a while to come around from the general anaesthetic and I was told to take antibiotics and given tea and something to eat. I wasn't told how the procedure went but when I asked a nurse I was told they could only say something if something bad happened.
Till this day I am still undecided as to whether the decision we made was the right one. I don’t feel like it was the right decision but at the same time I feel like it was the right one for us. I know deep down I would not be able to cope with those symptoms too and later found out from my GP that I was having a bad pregnancy.
The only advice I would be able to give anyone else is to just explore all of your options. Think about and consider everything. Tell and confide in someone you love or trust, please don’t try and go through this alone and try not to feel pressured by time.