If I could turn back the hands of time.

I was 18 years old, and had been fooling around with my 22 year old boyfriend. At first we would use protection but eventually we stopped and he would suggest the "pull out method". Unfortunately, it didn't work. 4 months into the relationship I fell pregnant and didn't even realise I wasn't going on my period, I mean even though I was having unprotected sex, I didn't really think I would be pregnant, not me, and since I was spotting, that made matters worse. I don't know what made me buy that home pregnancy kit but I did, got home after school, and took the test, it tested positive, I was pregnant.

I got this feeling, excited, scared, shock, joy... I mean I was going to be a mommy. I was so naïve, so unaware of reality. I told my boyfriend and he looked happy and shared the news with his friends, I mean why not, the thought of terminating had never crossed my mind.
In my family, my granny was the first person I told, she then advised that I told my mom. I did, and that turned my world upside down... she made me realise what a mess I had made of everything, asked what my plans were of taking care of my baby, where I would leave my baby when I went to school as she was working, what I'd wear as I grow bigger, my head started spinning.
I started to resent my boyfriend and our relationship was never the same. My mom told my sister and she too gave me a lecture, they suggested that I terminate but kept saying it was my choice.

I "decided" to terminate. Almost 5 years and I still cry over losing my baby to what I thought was the right decision. A traumatic day it was for me, only getting to see my baby after taking the pill, I only knew when it was too late that I was 13 weeks along and I saw my baby on that dark screen, so still, so perfect, no defects. After the procedure I felt so sick that I vomited the ice cream I had had that day.

Since then I have learned that no amount of tears can turn back the hands of time, if it were possible, not only would I have chose to keep my baby, but I wouldn't have had sex, I would not have had unprotected sex.
I am now 23, single, wondering when I am ever going to get over it fully. Is it a curse for abortion? Where is my baby now and will I ever conceive again? I know that I will never be that irresponsible again. Lessoned learned.The social media thinks it has the right to ridicule women who have had abortions, is that one of the tortures we are bound to for killing innocent souls? I believe in God and I believe in Jesus Christ now and I am so convinced that my story will help someone. He is my Comforter?

Editor's Comment

It is a very tough lesson to learn and it's very common to take risks in your teens without fully thinking through the possible consequences. Hard as well that you felt pressurised into termination by your mother and sister. I am sure they wanted the best for you but equally living with constant regret can be worse than facing life as a teenager with a young baby. I hope that you can get some post abortion support in your area.
This story was sent in on 24/02/2015 and it's been viewed 78 times.

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