I was just 18 when I found I was pregnant.

I was just 18 when I found I was pregnant. I've always wanted a child but this was the hardest decision for me. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and our current situation isn't ideal, we aren't financially stable and I've just started my dream career. My boyfriend immediately said that he didn't want to keep the baby because we aren't mentally and financially ready. I want a child that I provide everything for and at the minute, I can't do that. I cried a lot and went through every pro and con of the situation and its circumstance. This was even harder as I couldn't tell anybody, the only two people that knew were my boyfriend and my friend. My experience: I decided that the termination would be the best outcome for me. I felt unfair bringing a child into the world that i couldn't fully support, I had a difficult living situation, my boyfriend didn't want the pregnancy and selfish as it sounds. I was just launching my career. I went with Marie Stopes for the termination. They did an ultrasound scan which told that I was 6 weeks and 1 day. I was given my first tablet to start the process. This made me feel quite sickly and gave me stomach cramps, meaning I was unable to go to work and had to stay in bed until my next appointment. This made me very emotional. Two days after the first tablet, I returned to the Marie Stopes clinic. I had to take 5 painkillers an hour before I arrived then when I was there I was given antibiotics and anti sickness tablets before the final termination medication. This was 4 tablets which had to absorb in my gums (tasted like chalk) and more antibiotics to take the day after. Within an hour of leaving the clinic, I was experiencing terrible stomach and back cramps and was bleeding extremely heavily. Leaving me in bed for a further two days as the pregnancy passed. It was quite traumatising to see the amount of blood clots and at one point saw the sac and what I thought was the foetus. My advice: Take regular painkillers. I know it's hard not to look, but please try your best not to as its a very sad moment. I was told not to read these type of things, but personally I found it useful and helpful to know what other women have been through and how their experience differs to mine. It also warned me of how the pregnancy passes as no one tells you that the foetus comes out whole. I know I have made the right decision for me. I am very sad about it and after seeing the foetus it's made me realise I was too selfish and should've tried everything I could for this baby. I feel extremely guilty. I hope that I the future I am able to have a child that I can spoil and when I find out I'm pregnant be happy and know I have the support and ability to do it. I hope sharing my situation helps others.

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