I was 22 weeks pregnant at 15 years old and didn't have a clue
I fell pregnant at 15, I had no clue it all started when I started to show a bump so I took a test and it said I was pregnant.
I sat there in tears. I didn't have a clue what I was going to do.
I didn't have a clue but the Dr was lovely and told me my options
2 days later I went the doctors and they made me do another test and it came positive. Once again I just sat there. I didn't know what to do. The doctor was lovely and sat there and talked to me about all the possible options what I could do but then told me to go home and tell my mum and see what she has to say.
I didn't know how to tell my mum
So that's what I done but I didn't know how to tell her but eventually I just told her.
She wasn't angry or anything, she was mixed emotions, disappointed but said she's there for me no matter what I choose to do however my mum rang my GP and arranged a scan cause I couldn't choose anything until I knew how far I was.
My appointment was arranged for 5th February 2015 at Liverpool women's hospital and I asked the father to come with me but he said no so I went with my mum.
I was speechless - the nurse said my pregnancy was 22 weeks+
I finally get called to have me scan. I got told I was going to have an internal scan because they didn't know how far I was, and in case I was early in the pregnancy, so the nurse lay me down on the bed and looked at my stomach and felt it and said you'll need to go down to ultra sound scan cause you seem quite far into the pregnancy, you look and feel like your 22 weeks +.
Me and me mum just looked at each other. I didn't know what to do. I was speechless so we got sent down to the ultra sound ward and had a normal scan at 10:37 am and I was informed I was having a prefect and healthy little girl and I was 22weeks and 5days, and that I was going to be due on the 9th May.
The scan made me want to keep her
Seeing her on the scan made my day and it made me want to keep her so I decided I wanted to keep her. I got my scan pictures and I named her Ava.
When I got home and told the father he said he didn't want her but I wasn't bothered what he said. She was my little girl no matter how old I was. However, my mum told my brother and he was not happy and didn't want me to keep her cause I was nearly at the stage of doing my GCSEs and He came all the way down to try and persuade me, cause he knew what the best decision was, and that wasn't to keep her.
However, I sat and had a long tough think and I changed my mind. I didn't want her to grow up with a dad who wouldn't of been there to support her but it would of been the bests for her and for me with me only being 15.
It took hours to arrange an appointment at BPAS
My mum rang the doctors back up for bpas number so mum rung up and spent hours trying to arrange an appointment and they could only fit me in in Leighham clinic in London, bearing in mind it takes 3 1/2 hours to get to London.
We rang on the 9th February and my appointment was the 10th and 11th of February so we had to leave that night to get to London.
My mum spent hours on end trying to find a Travelodge to stay in for 2 nights. Finally we found one and my brother offered to take us to London so we left at 7 and got there at 12 cause traffic was bad.
This is for the best
However we arrived at the Travelodge and I gave by brother the biggest hug ever and I will always remember the words he said to me 'Dan you'll thank me in a few years when you're a bit older. This is for the best for you. I wouldn't of brought you all the way down here if I didn't think it was the best for you' at that point I knew it was definitely the best for me even though I did have my doubts.
So I waved my brother bye and me and my mum got ourselves settled and went to bed cause we had a busy day. The taxi arrived for us at 8.30 to take us to the clinic and from that point onwards the day was hectic.
The scan gave the pregnancy as 24 weeks not 23 weeks
I got my bloods done and everything else and got asked to fill and sign paper work out then they had to do another scan to make sure I wasn't 24 weeks but when they did the scan, they thought I was 24 weeks not 23 weeks.
My heart dropped and I burst out crying but then it worked out it was wrong and I was 23 weeks and 2 days.
It was going to be a dilation and evacuation abortion
The doctors told me I was going to have a dilation and evacuation abortion so while I was there it was a long 9 hours but then I got called into theatre and they inserted 5 dilators into my cervix which slowly opens the cervix. This decreases the risk of any injuries during the procedure and that was it for the Tuesday so I was free too go home.
I was in agony
I went home and just slept because I was in agony.
I woke up the next day and the taxi was waiting for us again. I got to the clinic again and all I had to do was go and talk to the nurse for the last time to make sure I was 100% sure I was confident with my decision, so I said yes.
They put me in my ward at 9 and said to me at 11.20 you'll go down to theatre. It was the longest wait ever but 11.20 finally came and I got called and that was it, I knew there was no going back.
They lay me down and before they put me under Anesthetic I said a little prayer, wishing my little girl the best of luck up there in the clouds, and that she will be thanking me for making this decision, and that she will always going to be my number one girl, and that I love her the world & that her great grandad will be looking after her and will keep her safe.
When I woke I had no bump and thought "What have I done?"
Then I just remember falling asleep and I don't remember anything else apart from just wake up and noticing that I had no bump. I just lay there and thought what have I done?
But then I had to remember I did it for Ava, the doctors took me back up to my ward, and I just gave my mum the biggest hug ever. I didn't know what to do with myself or what to say, but an hour later I was discharged.
I cried myself to sleep and will never forget that week
The taxi picked us up to take us to Euston train station so we could go home but I couldn't stop shaking and going dizzy and I nearly fainted with a horrible feeling but I safely arrived home and went straight to bed and cried myself to sleep. I will never forget that week. I will always know it off by heart and still to this day I look at her pictures on my wall and there's not a day I don't think of her.
But I'm not with the father anymore and I'm glad my girl doesn't have to grow up knowing what he was like, and that he wouldn't of been there for her, but i know Ava is up there getting looked after and I know she is fine and she knows that I love her very much and that I'll be dreading the 9th may but I know she's safe so that's all I can ask for & I love her so much.