I am 27 years old with two children. I had a surgical termination two weeks ago and have felt nothing but sadness, guilt and regret ever since.
I went out with someone I knew from work, started seeing him for a while, then found out that I was pregnant. When I told him, he said he would support me no matter what. Then a week later he told me he didn’t want children and that I should have a termination. He said it’s not really a baby yet; it’s only a foetus and that he would be there with me all the way.
Three weeks later, he had lost interest. I was left to deal with it alone. I had to decide what was best for me and my two kids I already had, so I decided to go ahead with the abortion. I switched off all my emotions and tried not to think of what I was doing. As soon as I walked in to the operating theatre I freaked out. I cried like a baby. I was so scared and alone. I had no one with me, and only the father and I knew about the baby. All I could think about was having someone with me holding my hand and supporting me and I had nobody.
After the abortion, all I could do was cry for days. I lost interest in everything; I couldn’t face going to work, even getting the kids their tea was hard work. Everyone around me kept asking what was wrong, but I am so ashamed about what I have done I can’t tell them. It feels so wrong. I should have been brave and faced the fact that I was going to have another child and not had the abortion. Sometimes I wish I was not here anymore and I wouldn’t be hurting like I am. I should be 13 weeks pregnant now, having scans and blood tests. I feel so unhappy that I am not pregnant anymore. I never thought it was going to be this hard, so what I would say to other girls facing the same problem is, ‘Think very carefully before you make a decision because it’s going to change your life, no matter what you decide to do’.
Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing your story with us…You seem to be in a great deal of pain, having felt that a termination was the only option open to you, due to the lack of support from the father. You had to suppress your heart feelings in order to go through with it, and it’s from your heart that you are now experiencing pain. It can feel that this pain is overwhelming at times, but we are designed to heal and it is possible for you to come through this.
Right now, what you may need is some support from someone who understands this kind of pain. You can visit your nearest centre, ring the helpline or talk to someone using Online Advisor. You do not have to suffer this alone.