I agonised over what to do but yesterday had a medical termination at 6 weeks

When I initially found out I was pregnant, I agonised over what to do - on the one hand, I've always wanted to be a Mum but I know in my heart that I am not yet ready.

I am unemployed, as is my partner, he already has two children.

I recently received a smear test which indicated there was some unusual cells and was also recently informed that I have an STI.

I had an STI and didn't want to grow a human

As I was unsure how long I had been in possession of my aforementioned STI and whether the cells were anything to be worried about, I eventually decided that the best course of action was to end my pregnancy - I didn't want to grow a human in an area of my body that was infected.

My local sexual health clinic was very understanding

I was referred to the nearest hospital by my local sexual health clinic, who were very understanding and made me two appointments for less than a week away.

My first hospital appointment

On my first appointment, a very kind and reassuring nurse checked I was certain and gave me my first pill. I was a little bit sick for the next two mornings - but I think I may have talked myself into this.

My second hospital appointment

Two days later, I was back at hospital for my appointment at 8am.

I was in a room with two other girls who were there for the same thing, two of us were alone, the other had two people with her. We each had our own beds/bays which were separated by curtains so it was very private.

After what seemed like an eternity, a second very kind and reassuring nurse came to see me, gave me four pills to insert vaginally and two to put into my bottom (neither of these were a pleasant thing to do, but the jelly made it easier) I was then asked to try and wait 30/45 minutes before going to the toilet and was asked to use a bedpan for any toilet visit I made.

After about 20 minutes, I was sick, I think this may have been because I hadn't had any breakfast and had nothing in my system. I then lay down for the next hour or so before deciding that I needed to visit the loo.

My first trip to the loo, I expected to be pretty painful, but it wasn't - it just took me a few minutes and a running tap to talk myself into doing it. When I saw the amount of blood in the bedpan, I decided to avoid looking on any further toilet trips.

I lay back down again, listening to the nonsense the girl and her visitors were talking which made me feel sort of comforted. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't in discomfort, but I wasn't in agony either.

Another hour later, I needed to go to the loo again and found it a bit easier, when I finished I was about to stand up when I felt something inside me shift and fall into the bed pan - although they say passing clots is to be expected - I knew that this was it.

I felt a bit better almost immediately

I notified the nurse when I had finished and a few minutes later, another very kind and reassuring nurse came and informed me that I had indeed passed everything and they would like me to keep using the bedpans so they could monitor my bleeding.

I felt a bit better almost immediately. Shortly after I was brought soup and a sandwich and a cup of tea. Getting some food inside me helped to settle my stomach.

After two more toilet visits (during one I passed another clot but knew the difference), I was told I didn't need to use the bed pans anymore and that I'd be given an anti d injection (I have rhesus negative blood) and an hour or so later, I was given an injection into my bottom (this was a bit stingy and unpleasant but bearable). I was also given an injection in my arm and had my implant fitted. I was given some anti-biotics and was told I could go home.

I felt bad for the other two girls who were still there and waiting but was pleased to be going home.

The day after the abortion

Today, I am in some discomfort and still bleeding (this can continue for a few weeks) and my body feels a little like someone else's but ultimately know I am lucky to have had such a straightforward experience.

I feel a mixture of relief and guilt, relief because I know in my heart it was the right decision, it was relatively quick and straightforward and my body can now take time to heal and recover.

I don't think I need to go into too much detail at the guilt part. There is the obvious reason but my decision also conflicts a little with what I thought my views were but that doesn't make me a bad person, just a human being with a big decision to make, and I am confident that this was indeed the right one, financially and emotionally.

I have not yet experienced the hormone crash the doctor at the sexual health clinic advised me to expect but I know it will be on its way and will also know that when it comes, I won't feel down forever and that help is available.

I was surprised how understanding & reassuring the doctors and nurses were

I was surprised throughout my whole experience at how understanding and reassuring any doctor or nurse I came into contact with was. I did have one slightly stone faced nurse, but she could very well have been suffering from a case of Mondayitis.

Read other people's stories for insight but think long and hard

I'd advise anyone else thinking of the same procedure to absolutely have a look through other people's stories for insight but to think long and hard before making any rash decisions. I know I can't undo what I did yesterday and may come to regret it, although it was the right decision in this instance, but I also know that my decision was one that was carefully considered.

Typing this has been therapeutic for me, I hope it can be of help to someone like the stories I read on here were to me. 

This story was sent in on 19/05/2015

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