I had a surgical abortion yesterday. I have only been with my partner for three months and I am in my finals at university.

By anonymous on 09/03/2008
I had a surgical abortion yesterday. I have only been with my partner for three months and I am in my finals at university. I found out I was five weeks pregnant, was exhausted, feeling the changes in my body, and had the hardest decision of my life to make. It took me two weeks to decide that I would terminate the pregnancy (at seven weeks) and through that time I went to hell and back thinking about my future and my baby.

My partner wanted to keep it and my family were split over their thoughts which made things even harder. Following the termination, I have a deep sense of loss and feelings of guilt, regret and sadness. However, I still understand my reasons for pursuing the termination. I think that going through these emotions is normal and whatever your situation, you would not be normal if you did not feel a sense of all of these things. All I'd like to say is I had the support of a couple of really good friends and my mum and that has been a godsend as you NEED to talk about it.

I'd also like to advise other girls who are in that difficult situation to take your time (obviously not so long that you are far gone), but enough time to get your head around what you want out of life and what sort of life you can offer your child. No-one else can know what is best for you.

I'd also like to say that I was terrified of the termination process but Marie Stopes were fantastic and with the surgical option, I recall nothing of it and it was over in minutes. This is not to say it is an easy process as it is going to be distressing no matter what and I shed many tears both before and after, but I hope that this is some comfort to girls that are panicking over the process itself. Do what is best for you, take your time, talk about your feelings and be strong girls. Much love x

Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing your experience…It’s strange to think, isn’t it, that one part of us can be so clear about the reasons for doing something, yet another part of us feels the pain of what that decision means. How do we reconcile the two parts of ourselves? It can appear as if there are two different people speaking…For example, some women, when intentionally pursuing abortion, can reveal deeper feelings by doing things like stopping taking paracetomol, or drinking alcohol, or lifting heavy things. Some abortion-minded women have even been known to buy maternity clothes. This shows a clear separation between the head and heart responses to a pregnancy; the conscious and subconscious responses.

Afterwards, reason often maintains the upper hand and allows us to keep feelings at bay, but at other times, perhaps when we are low or suffer another loss, or perhaps face another pregnancy, we may experience the emotion of it more strongly. For women who find those emotions difficult, there is support available through the centres, the helpline or Online Advisor. Thank you for encouraging others in your situation to talk, to take time and make a decision for themselves that they can live with.

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