He always said he'd support my decision but that wasn't the case at all
I was 16 when I fell pregnant. I was with my boyfriend for 2 years when it happened. He had always told me that he would support my decision if it happened but that wasn't the case at all.
We didn't tell our parents for a while out of fear. Before telling his parents he was semi-supportive but as soon as we told them he turned sour. He started threatening me telling me I'm ruining his life and he even handed me a knife to kill myself.
His parents joined in telling me I was ruining his future and life as he was bright and had huge aspirations even though I would never stop him from doing anything if it was possible, we would have found a way.
So I asked them to give me the weekend to make a decision on what I wanted to do. I knew I was too young for a child but I really couldn't bring myself to even think of terminating it.
They agreed but obviously took nothing in as two hours later I got a call saying they had booked a consultation. They told me that they would talk me through all of the options. I agreed because I thought they could help me weigh up my options without a biased opinion.
When I got there they only talked about abortion and then told me I was booked in. I felt so pressured to sign the papers, my boyfriend just sat there and stared at me. I felt so alone.
So I had a medical abortion at just under 9 weeks. He just sat there and watched me take the tablets and as I had my scan. I hear people say that it didn't hurt them but I can't think of any time where I have been in so much pain.
It bled so much and I asked the nurses if I would see it when it came out and they said no, that I would just see the white sac. However, mine came out after the sac. I saw it laying there in the toilet, it was so small. I didn't know what to do. I felt so broken and traumatised. I ran downstairs and started wailing in emotional pain.
This was almost two years ago and the emotional pain is no better, in fact, worse. I'm with a new guy now. He is the most wonderful guy I've ever met. I feel bad for him though because it must be so hard dealing with me and my "baggage".
He must feel so pressured because he knows that a baby would make me happy but I know it's not the right time. I never had a family growing up and it's all I've wanted since I was denied the chance to be the mum that I never had. One day I will have that chance. One day.