My situation is a little different from the normal and I hope to give women some little comfort

I'm sharing my story with the hope of helping other women like myself who have little to no support at all from their spouse. I read several sites before I come across this one and my situation is a little different from the normal, so I have decided to share my story to give women some little comfort who are going through a similar situation.

I am 22 years old, and I am pregnant with twins, never did I think I would be able to have twins even though twins run in my family.

I had a miscarriage once before, and it was the worst experience of my life, little did anyone know how I was feeling. I felt alone and sad. I bottled up all my emotions inside and did not show any remorse of any kind but I felt that I never had to reach out to anyone because my spouse would be my emotional backbone and a comforting rock that I could lean on. But he wasn't but nevertheless I never made an argument over it

My miscarriage was like an abortion. I was at my spouse house when I went to pee and found heavy clots of blood coming out of me. I know this was not regular because I had recently gone to the doctor already and found out I was pregnant so I knew this could not be my period. I immediately got up and told my spouse I wanted to go the doctor.

When I visited my gynaecologist, he immediately told me I was experiencing a miscarriage. He then explained the situation to me and right then he told me it would be for my best interest at heart to flush the rest of the fetus out.

He explained to me and told me it was a simple procedure, and I had nothing to worry about, and it would be over within 15-20 minutes, or less since I was already experiencing bleeding.

When everything was over, I was experiencing a little spotting of blood, but he assured me that it would all be over within a week or less since I was still in my first trimester. He then said I should go home and rest but I couldn't lay down because of the flashback that would come to me and the stress I felt. So I moved around and pretended as if nothing had happened.

A couple of months have passed by, and now I'm pregnant with twins. I feel like I would rip my belly in two and take them out. That's how I'm feeling right at this very moment

To be pregnant with twins is very stressful, especially when the one person who is to support you is never there and makes you feel really bad you've been pregnant for the past few weeks.

It's been really rough and very judgmental for me. I have been having my spouse mother questioning my pregnancy as if I am faking my pregnancy. Who fakes a pregnancy and who judge a person for being pregnant.

This isn't something I wanted at all, but it happened. Instead, they should acknowledge the fact that I'm pregnant and sit down and talk to me about it, and ask me about what decision I have made with moving forward. But no, they don't do that, they start judging me. How can you judge one person for being pregnant, that's just harsh, wicked and heartless. You never judge one person for being pregnant, you blame two because it sure don't take one person to make a baby, it takes two, and having to deal with all of that it just drives me to the part were I no longer want to have a baby.

That's why I have made up my mind to have an abortion.

I just feel like I would jumped off a cliff and kill myself just so I wont hear or have anyone up in my business.

I feel like am on a surface that's made out of white and I am the big spot of mud on it. That's how I feel, as if I have ruined the entire surface/interior so whenever the subjects comes up about my pregnancy I get really mad and defensive as its my business.

I cant even say our business because my spouse has not been a comforting rock and have come to my defense. So right now I feel burden.

It's very difficult to be in a situation like this but I do know that no women should be attacked about something so gentle and it should be a decision left to be made up to both parties, no family member should have any say on what is right to do.

So women please don't allow anyone to make you feel bad about your situation just go in and talk to professionals and have a clear understanding of whats happening around you. Don't allow anyone to make you feel less than what you are, I have and trust me, it's not the best feeling in the world.

The decision I have made was not made from the heart but have been made by all that has been around me and also with the help of my doctor he was able to shed some light on what has been happening. He had made it clear that if it is like this it will not get any better, but worse.

At this point in time am alone with no emotional support. Today the way my spouse behave have just made me feel much better about the decision I'm about to make so ladies don't feel guilty with the decision of having an abortion. Sometimes its our way of getting back the power we have lost because sometime the way we are being treated all because they might feel as if we have no other way out, ladies we have and its abortion.

Like my doctor told me, don't look at it as killing a child but as if we have been blessed with a second chance. Now I realize that this relationship isn't one that I want to rush into and have a child. It has been my worst experience in being pregnant. Sometimes in life we can make the worst experience and make it be the best lesson.

This story was sent in on 27/07/2015

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