I was relieved at first and then as the weeks went on I got progressively worse

I found out I was pregnant in late May. I had no symptoms that I could tell, I just knew that I had to take a test. I took two just to be sure. Both were positive and I was in total shock. I was so confused and didn't know what to do so I told my best friend at work.

I come from a religious family and am religious myself so I was already in a difficult position. I really wanted to keep it but I was a coward and couldn't face the disappointment and shame from my family.

I wasn't going to tell my boyfriend at first but my friend convinced me he had to know. When I told him he was so shocked he didn't know how to react.He's 26 and I'm 21 and he's financially very stable and has his own house but I don't earn as much and we had only been together for four months and I thought it wouldn't be a good idea to have a baby so early in the relationship as well. He said he'd respect whatever decision I made and I felt at the time I was making the right one.

So I went ahead and found a private clinic and had the abortion. It was a horrible experience and I ended up losing the baby at my workplace 2 days after I took the second pill.

I was relieved at first and then as the weeks went on I got progressively worse. I get very depressed, almost every day as of late. It's so pathetic but I've spent the last month crying myself to sleep most nights. There's not a day that goes by where I don't think about the abortion and the baby.

I sincerely regret my decision and wish I had had the courage to keep it and my partner recently told me the same thing.

It's extremely difficult not having anyone to talk too and can feel extremely lonely at times. I think its safe to say I'm not dealing with it as I should be.

This story was sent in on 09/08/2015

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