I had my abortion 1 month ago and I regret everything about it

I had my 1st abortion just 1 month ago and I regret everything about it!

I just turned 19 last month on July 16 and My abortion ate me alive for about a month or so. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 1 year prior to me being pregnant but we've been friends for 11+ years now.

I found out I was pregnant in May and I wasn't too excited about it but my boyfriend was. Eventually, I came around to me being a mom and I was very overjoyed!

When I told my mom she was super excited and supportive but my dad, on the other hand, wasn't. He was very upset that I had become pregnant. My dad ended up calling my godparents who I thought were "religious people" who I knew would be upset but would never fix there mouths to tell me to get rid of my child.

Between my dad and my godparents, I began to think maybe they're right, maybe having a baby could ruin my life, maybe I'm not ready. But when is the perfect time to have a baby? I let them convince me to get rid of my child who I very much wanted and I live with it every day.

I was 2½ months pregnant when I had my abortion. 4 days before my procedure I started bleeding and started to cramp so I automatically thought that I was having a miscarriage.

Me and my boyfriend went to the hospital and sat in the emergency room for about an hour before I was seen. They ran tests and did an ultrasound and I saw my baby for the first time in 4 weeks and my angel was waving and kicking at me. It made me so happy but still, in the back of my head, I knew I wasn't going to keep my child.

I went home with that on my mind and still till this day when I think about I can't help but cry uncontrollably.

The day before my procedure my dad called me while I was at my apartment to let me know that if I want to keep my baby then he is supportive and I was pissed off because I didn't have his support when I wanted to keep it.

I had my procedure done and I can remember everything from the smell of the room to the sound of the vacuum to the bright light shining between my legs and the thoughts of it randomly crosses my mind and makes me cry!

I honestly thought I was ready for a baby, I was 19 and living in my own apartment. I've never asked any of my parents to help me with anything, to my apartment, to my car, to my job at the hospital!

I'm 19 working at a hospital making very good money! I'm not trying to brag but I provide for myself with no help and I could have provided for my child with no help!

I want a baby so bad but I'm scared that my previous child is upset that I never gave him or her a chance. I should've kept my child, now I'm battling pass which is post-abortion stress syndrome and it's breaking me down every day.

Never let anyone make a decision for you!

This story was sent in on 10/08/2015

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