The 7th March 2008, (my mum’s birthday) was the day I proceeded with my termination.

The 7th March 2008, (my mum’s birthday) was the day I proceeded with my termination. I ended my pregnancy willingly and struggle to live with my actions everyday. I had my first baby girl last August and she is my world. I found out I was pregnant in Feb and at first I was going to keep it. I was bleeding first off and was sent for a scan. When I went for the scan for abortion, I looked down and saw the picture. My baby had grown. This image will haunt me forever. I feel like I killed my baby. I was not coping well and decided to terminate the pregnancy. My partner was with me whatever I decided but it was up to me. I felt on my own and rushed in to the abortion without a second thought. I was like a robot really. I didn't think it was happening to me. I regret it every day and feel it's getting worse. My baby would have been due 6th October 2008. I didn't think I would cope with two children under two. I feel like all I see is bumps and newborns and it is hard. I do want another baby but I cannot replace what I decided to have taken away from me. I want my bump but I can't as I had it taken away from me. Please take time to think about your actions as you have to live with this for the rest of your life. I wish every day I'd walked away but I didn't. All I feel is guilt. An abortion is not to be taken lightly - it will be the hardest thing ever. I'm back at work now after maternity leave from my first. All I think about it how far I would have been. I regret very much my actions and my guilt eats me up. Editor’s note: Thank you for sharing your experience with us…You sound very preoccupied with what happened and have already identified your feelings as guilt and regret, wanting to turn the clock back and be pregnant again. It’s still early days for you and it’s sad that you are having this pain whilst trying to enjoy your little girl as well. It would probably help you to start seeing an advisor at a centre to talk about your feelings and how you can find a way of recovering from this. Contact your local centre, ring the helpline or use Online Advisor to talk to someone confidentially.

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