On the way to the ultrasound I surprised my boyfriend and found out he's married

Within this year alone I've had 2 abortions. It's not something that I am proud of, but it happened and I know that I am not prepared to be someone's mother.

The first abortion I had was surgically done. I was 6 weeks pregnant and I had only recently started talking to my boyfriend. I was fresh out of school and had only just started working.

I went to the Dr and he recommended the surgical abortion. The procedure can be done with or without anaesthesia but because I had gone alone I had to have it without.

I saw the ultrasound and where it was located. The nurse kept telling me to breathe at first I was like shit, this doesn't seem like a good sign. Then I started to feel something like a vacuum cleaner just pulling the fetus out of me.

When it was over I started spotting. Later in the evening, I started feeling sharp pains in the area where the fetus was, it was almost as if my body realised it was missing something. I bled for maybe 2-3 weeks after on and off and after everything was fine.

Fast forward, I recently found out I was 7 weeks pregnant and even though I was a little terrified, I don't know, I felt a greater connection to this baby so I decided to keep it. I told my boyfriend and he was excited to have a child. We had discussed marriage and living together for quite some time.

Because we lived in different towns I decided to surprise him and show up so that we could visit the doctor together for the ultrasound. When I arrived, however, I found out that he was married. I was so devastated and felt completely betrayed. He explained that they were getting a divorce and he did not know how to tell me. All I could think was that I had been lied to for the last couple of months.

I now had to deal with the realization that I was pregnant for a married man, I knew that I didn't want to be with him which made me also question the quality of life the child would have. I wasn't prepared to do another abortion and I felt completely embarrassed to return home and having to make that decision again especially since there is only one Dr who performs the procedure in my town.

I went to visit an Indian Dr in his hometown but he only did medical abortions.

He gave me 3 pills to take orally which would stop the pregnancy. About an hour after taking them, I no longer felt her presence. And even though it was ultimately my decision to make, I couldn't help crying. I must have cried uncontrollably for an hour and I kept apologizing to the poor fetus.

The next day I returned to the Dr and he inserted 2 pills vaginally to open my cervix so that I could pass out the pregnancy. He gave me painkillers and said I could take them within the hour. I took one but the pain was severe. So I tried to take 2, however, I started to vomit uncontrollably, then when that was over I had diarrhoea.

While still having immense cramps I heard clots drop in the toilet but I'm not sure if it was the fetus. It's been 3 days since the abortion and I still feel like if I have a lot inside of me that hasn't passed yet. But it could also be my body reacting to abortion. I have to fully wait until my follow up check to be sure. But the medical abortion for me was the worse choice I ever made.

This story was sent in on 09/09/2015

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