My gynaecologist told me to just wait it out until next week

Disclaimer: I still have no idea if the medical abortion worked or not.

On Friday I found out that I'm pregnant. I did a urine test first thing in the morning.

My husband and I decided that right now we aren't able to support a child financially, plus we just got married and frankly want to spend some time as a couple. This decision sounds easy in writing and in the first moment, but trust me, while going through the course of pills I questioned it throughout and was breaking into tears a lot of times.

The worst thing about this abortion was the rollercoaster of emotions that my hormones made me go through. The pain was really bearable. But one thing after the other.

So on Friday afternoon, we went to the gynac. She told me I was 4 weeks pregnant, confirming that on the ultrasound (more stories of medical abortion at 4 weeks). She gave me 5 pills.

I took the first pill on Sunday morning at 8 am. That's the one that stops the pregnancy. It was ok pain-wise, I drank a lot of water and was just very very tired - which is one of the first symptoms in early pregnancy - so I slept most of the day. I had some pain in the night from Saturday to Sunday and was emotionally very down.

Sunday evening, at 10 pm I took the first of the set of 4 pills. I broke it in half and inserted both halves. 

That night around 2 am I had such terrible pain that I woke up from it crying. I was nauseous, cramping and vomited. But after I vomited, it was all ok and back to "normal" bad period day kind of pain.

On Monday morning at 7 am, I took another pill (orally) and at 10 am 2 more (orally as well).

My doc told me that by 8 am the bleeding should start (which it did) and I should pretty much be done with it by early afternoon. Now, what happened was that I did have bleeding, but very watery, light red. The cramps were bad, like on a bad period day, but nothing like anyone described in forums. No diarrhoea, no vomiting.

I called her around 2 pm and she said it looks like nothing happened. So at 6 pm, I went back to her and she inserted 2 more of the same pills, mentioning that my cervix was extremely small and that it's very likely that the abortion hasn't come out at all.

That day I was emotionally having one of the worst days of my life. I mean, first, you decide to stop a baby from growing inside of you and then it doesn't come out. It was very tough.

But that day in the afternoon the bleeding started in spurts. Dark and clotted. It gradually turned more red. But still, nothing that's even comparable to the amount that comes on a heavy period day.

On Tuesday I did a lot of exercise, around 500 sit-ups, jumping jacks, running up and down the stairs, going for a walk. That helped a bit and the cramps started getting worse and more blood started coming out, a few strings of very dark red blood. I hope that because it was an early pregnancy, one of the strings included the embryo.

I went to see a gynac again on Wednesday and she told me to just wait it out until next week.

Maybe it just disintegrated and will come out in lots of smaller parts. The bleeding continues as of now in a pretty red, (haha, trying to be positive here!), like it rarely ever happens during my period.

It's Thursday now, I still have cramps and am slightly bleeding but have been going back to the office half days since yesterday. I'm not convinced that this worked but terrified for the life of mine to get a surgical abortion done, so I try to keep up the good spirits in the hope that it's just gradually coming out.

I'll post an update once I get the sonography results next week. 


Update:

10 days later I went for a sonography. The gynac found some disturbing "blobs" in the ultrasound. After confirming that I usually get my period very regularly and have no pain in my lower abdomen on non-period days, she concluded that the pregnancy wasn't completely gone. She said that I could wait 1,2 periods and see if it comes out naturally but the risk of infections would be considerable. Even though I had dreaded this moment, let me tell you my clinical abortion was so much easier than the medical one! 

I got a couple of blood tests done, did a checkup with the anaesthetist and booked an appointment for the next day, Friday, 8 am.

The operation happened at 11 am - on an empty stomach. I was starving and terrified.

Apparently, I complained about pain during the procedure (it only takes 20 mins), so the anaesthetist increased the dose. I woke up super-duper drowsy and wasn't able to leave the clinic until 6 pm. But I had zero pain "down there". As if nothing had happened! 

My doc told me that I could go to work the next day, but I'm glad I didn't. I was still very nauseous and drowsy. My husband was very sweet and stayed home with me, feeding me lots of juices and teas (and food). There was very slight bleeding for a day or two. I also got antibiotics and painkillers. Didn't need the painkillers at all!

On Sunday I was already back to normal. And on Monday life was as if this never happened.

I honestly wish I'd done the clinical abortion in the first place. It's only a 1-2 day ordeal and definite. But I guess, I needed to feel the pain of letting go of my child... it sounds bizarre, I know. But a clinical abortion is so "easy" like it's not even real. Like deciding for or against a child is as easy, quick and painless as a finger snap. I think for women who are aborting for more traumatic reasons this would be a better choice, to just get over it much quicker - and cleaner. The medical abortion was an emotional ordeal that affected both me and my husband, deeply. 

We are still planning to have children (clock has started ticking!), and this experience has yanked us into the reality of it. We're now working double as hard to build the life that enables us to give the child an environment that's stable and loving from the moment we find out about it.

This story was sent in on 20/09/2018

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