I had a feticide yesterday. I watched my little boys heart slowly stop and then not beat at all

You couldn’t make this up, to be honest. I did post the first part of my story on here while waiting to have a surgical termination at Marie stopes Buckhurst Hill but I can’t find it so wanted to post the full story.

I had an ablation

I had an ablation 5 years ago and a few other Gynae procedures that meant I wasn’t able to have any more children.

At the age of 44, I started having all sorts of weird bleeding etc.

A scan in September discovered a cyst on one of my ovaries. I went for a follow-up scan on this in November and discovered I was pregnant and this is where my abortion story starts.

Medical abortion at 9 weeks

I was in shock but did like the idea of another baby however my husband didn't and after much discussion, I had a medical abortion at 9 weeks.

I bled and considered it over. However, morning sickness started to increase and I finally found out I was nearly 12 weeks. Well, surely this meant the baby was meant to be! I spent a few weeks trying to convince my husband but after a high-risk Down's blood test realised I was fighting a losing battle.

Surgical termination at 16 weeks

I was booked for a surgical termination at Marie stopes as the local hospital doesn't do them after 12 weeks. So after many phone calls, pre-ops etc., I went for my surgical abortion and that was where my last post ended.

Company policy

Well, after 2 hours of waiting to be taken to the ward an administrative staff came and told me they wouldn’t be progressing with the abortion, it was something about company policy, that no one seemed to know anything about when I spoke to them before.

A second medical abortion

I left there having to sit and wait at a bus stop for an hour while waiting for a friend to come and collect me. So there I was at 16 weeks still with a baby that I’ve grieved for twice.

That same week I returned to my local hospital, who I have to say have been amazing, and had a second medical termination. This also failed. Even though I went through a day of contraction and bleeding my baby still hadn’t come away and was still alive.

Ablation and Placenta Previa

After much discussion, a few days later I was sent to Kings for a scan and specialist opinion as to whether they could do a surgical termination. Turns out due to my ablation years ago, the placenta has struggled to find a healthy lining to attach to so it is massive and spread out around the womb, some parts have embedded deep into the womb wall, and I have a full placenta previa.

With this in mind, they aren’t willing to do a surgical termination due to high risk of haemorrhage. I was told I could continue the pregnancy if I wish but there is a significant risk to my own life if things rupture or go full term.

Full hysterectomy with baby in womb

So yesterday I consented to a full hysterectomy with the baby in the womb. It’s a very rare situation and none of the Drs at my hospital has done it before so we have been through the pros and cons.

Feticide

At the end of the day, I have to put my children first and they don’t want to be without their Mum if something went wrong in labour. To try and reduce the risks in surgery I had a feticide yesterday. Watching my little boys heart slowly stop and then not beat at all was heartbreaking.

The dangers of falling pregnant after ablation

I haven’t posted this to scare people but just so they are aware of the dangers of falling pregnant after ablation, yes some can go to full term safely but this one has a slim chance of this.

Tomorrow I have my hysterectomy.

What a horrible few months I’ve had x

This story was sent in on 30/01/2018

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