I think about her 24/7 but I can never picture what she looks like, my mind freezes when I try

It breaks my heart that I am writing this, and what breaks my heart even more is that I said goodbye before she got the chance to say hello. I am 19 years old and I had an abortion in June.

From the very moment I found out, I knew keeping the baby wasn't an option. But now I think, why? Why didn't I think about all my options?

I had to wait four weeks for my abortion. And those four weeks were the hardest of my life. I remember lying in my bed talking to her, I'd say over and over again "I'm meant to be your mum".

My abortion was hell and the most emotionally draining experience I've ever had. I will never ever forget the feeling of my dead baby coming out of me, and I will never be able to forget the image of my dead baby with little arms and legs sprawled out on my bathroom floor.

I remember waking up the morning after and a feeling of emptiness overwhelmed me. The father of the baby didn't care, and I guess that's why it's harder. I feel like I have to grieve for the both of us.

My baby is the first thing I think about when I wake up, and the last thing I think about when I go to sleep. I think about her 24/7 but I can never picture what she looks like, my mind freezes when I try.

A part of me died with my baby that day. If I could go back in time, I would.

This story was sent in on 22/10/2015

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