I had a medical abortion a week ago.

By anonymous on 03/07/2008
I had a medical abortion a week ago. I didn't want to go ahead with the abortion but knew I had to due to personal circumstances. I was very hesitant about calling the doctor to get my treatment booked. I was eight weeks and three days when I took my first tablet and I took the rest of the tablets the following day. Fifteen minutes after leaving the centre I was on my way home with my friend and had to get him to stop the car so I could be sick. I didn't think I would feel so bad so soon after taking the tablets. When I got home I was in lots of pain and I was crying hysterically. I'm not one to often show my feelings and like to keep things to myself, but I had no control. I started bleeding very heavily and had really bad blood clots.

The second day was strange. There was no blood at all but I still had pain. I was slightly worried as I did not know what to expect. I was only told by the doctors what would happen the first day so I was clueless about the rest. The staff at the centre were very unsympathetic and did not seem to care about telling me what’s going to happen.

On the third day, I couldn't move with the pain. I was going through one pad every ten minutes it was that bad. I sat on the toilet all morning unable to move for the pain. I was having lots of blood clots. I lost so much blood and threw up lots. I was very weak. I was worried again as surely this wasn't supposed to happen. By the afternoon the pain had eased and I wasn't bleeding as heavily. I was still very weak and missed work for two days. Today, however, has been the worst day by far.

I was told very basic information and therefore wasn't told exactly what was going to happen. I started feeling a bit strange this morning and had pain in the lower part of my stomach. I have never felt anything like it before. I was bleeding quite a lot considering over the past days how much blood I had already lost. I sat in bed and thought it was probably just normal. But then all of a sudden there was blood everywhere, like my waters had broken but with blood instead. I went straight to the toilet thinking I was just about to bleed to death but I felt myself needing to push. Then the dead baby came out and just dangled from me. (Sorry for being so graphic.) I grabbed some tissue paper and pulled on the tube it was dangling from and let go. I couldn't help but look. I burst out crying as soon as I saw this tiny little baby with arms and legs, curled up in the toilet. I immediately felt sick and just flushed it away. I couldn't believe what had just happened. I wasn't expecting it at all. I hadn't been told anything about it and just sat on my bedroom floor crying, not knowing what to do with myself. I couldn't help but feel a massive amount of guilt over what I had done. I know I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight. The pain has gone now and I just hope that was the end of it. I never wish this upon anyone. I will never go through another abortion in my life and I will always use contraception.

I feel that girls need to know what to expect as the nurses that give you the treatment are meant to be there to help you through it, but don't tell you what you need to know. If they had, I would certainly have thought more about other options. I can only recommend reading up about the types of treatment to get a full understanding. Take care.

Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing your experience with us…your story will help others to know what might happen although it’s clear from the People’s Stories that experiences vary. It’ll also help them to know what questions to ask beforehand – it’s very important to be told fully about the procedures so that you can make an informed decision about whether to go ahead.

For you, now, you are preoccupied with a very difficult experience, not only what you physically went through, but also what you saw and began to understand about what the abortion meant. You may feel the need to talk endlessly about what happened or you may go very quiet for some time. Whatever your response, you may need some support to process this experience in a healthy way. I suggest you visit your nearest centre to talk it through with someone who understands how difficult abortion experiences can be and have a check up with regard to how you are coping. You’ll also be able to talk through those feelings of guilt that you mentioned. Unresolved, these emotions can surface later on and cause you pain. For many women, it’s not enough just to ‘move on’ and hopefully forget it – your heart may need some care and attention. We’ll be thinking of you.

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