I had an abortion just over year ago. It still hurts every day.

I had an abortion just over year ago. It still hurts every day. I was fortunate enough that I was very early and had the pill version and despite what they said, physically I had no pain (which I convinced myself was because nothing really was there). Whether or not this is the case or not, the fact remains that I cannot stop the upset I feel. I cannot stop wishing I did it differently. Other women have babies when the father doesn’t want to know and they still go through with it. What’s so special about me? I couldn’t. I use to work with the father but don’t now. He has been very unsupportive, and hasn’t helped one bit. I still care so much, but is this about the baby, the father or both? I can’t tell. To make matters worse I also slept with his best friend recently, I think for comfort, but also a little out of revenge, of course. I ended up feeling ten times worse. Why can I not shake this feeling in the back of my head that just won’t go away? It’s there all the time. I have cried many tears and had dreams. Now those have stopped but still I haven’t got over it; I have just learnt to live with it. Is this normal!! Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing your story with us…You have obviously just been through an anniversary of your abortion experience, so your thoughts are naturally turning towards your abortion experience right now. It sounds as if you have a deep regret, as well as feelings of guilt, and your heart is not letting you rest until you have given it the attention it needs. It’s normal that your heart is making you feel this way – it’s simply saying to you, ‘I need some healing!’ You have been hurt by your abortion experience – your heart is acknowledging the loss and pain you feel and trying to let you know. You don’t have to just learn to live with chronic emotional pain – there is hope. Your first step has been to tell your story on this website; your next step is to contact your nearest centre and make an appointment to begin The Journey, our post-abortion recovery programme. If you don’t have a centre near you, you can also use Online Advisor for ongoing post-abortion support. You can do it.
This story was sent in on 03/07/2008

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