I had just turned sixteen when I had an abortion.

I had just turned sixteen when I had an abortion. I was in my first serious relationship and it literally took the one and only time that we did not use contraception that got me pregnant. Although I was young and confused - I remember seeing the "pregnant" sign on the test and smiling. I can't remember if I was happy, but I remember being amazed that I had actually created life. I don't know if all women are similar but having a baby was something I used to think about on a regular basis. I used to lie in bed and think of names, and wonder what my children would look like - it wasn't until I was in the situation myself that I understood how serious a commitment it would actually be. I phoned my boyfriend to tell him; scared as hell...His exact words were, "get rid of it" and this also seemed the only option when I told my Mum. I remember when I went to have an abortion - people's sad faces. I didn't stop crying from the moment I walked in the door, but initially straight after, I felt relieved. It wasn't until a few weeks after I had an abortion that I became depressed, started drinking heavily. I couldn't get the picture of what my baby may have looked like out of my head. I thought, and still do think about her, (I had a feeling it was a girl) every day of my life. Not a day goes by that I don't regret what I did, and getting myself in the situation in the first place. My biggest fear now is not being able to have children in the future - although my heart is already broken. There would be no chance of me carrying on if this happened. Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing your story with us…It sounds as if you had an positive heart response to the news of your pregnancy, but those feelings were quickly smothered by the pressures of your life – being sixteen, the opinions of parents and boyfriend, understanding what it means to be committed to parenting. The sense of relief is not uncommon because all those pressures are dealt with by not being pregnant anymore, but soon the heart responds with pain at the very real loss it has experienced. You don’t have to struggle with regret and loss, as well as fear of the future – there is healing and hope for you. Support is available through your nearest centre, the helpline or Online Advisor. Please get in touch as soon as soon as possible.
This story was sent in on 04/07/2008 and it's been viewed 1,284 times.

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