I was 17; my boyfriend was 27. We had only been together ten months.

When I missed my period I thought nothing of it. I'd been in this situation before. I was 17; my boyfriend was 27. We had only been together ten months. In January, two months after I missed my first period, I had this gut feeling. It was New Year’s Day and I was staying at a friend’s. She came with me to buy a test and as I sat in the toilets holding the test as it showed up I was pregnant, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. I was in pure shock. That night I asked my friend to tell her mum and we all spoke about it. I started to feel really excited, thinking of names and if it would be a girl or a boy. I knew I had to tell my boyfriend and I was so scared but my friend dropped me round to my boyfriend’s house. We sat there for ages before I found the courage to tell him and straight away he shouted for me to 'get rid of it' I cried and begged but nothing I said was good enough. He didn’t want to be a dad. I went back to my friends and cried myself to sleep that night. Two weeks later, I walked into the clinic with my boyfriend. We waited for two hours and each and every second of those hours, I wanted to scream for someone to get me out of there. When I finally got called to go in I felt sick but said goodbye to my boyfriend. I went upstairs and walked into a little room, was put to sleep and the next thing I knew there was a lady waking me up. Seven months on, and now 18 years old, there isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t think about my baby. I thought I was getting through it but I realise that I have just been bottling up all of the sadness I feel. I know deep down it was the right thing to do but it still hurts. I still don’t know if and when I will be able to deal with this but I am taking it step by step. My advice to anyone going through this is stay strong and talk about it. Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing your experience with us…Sadly, it’s not uncommon for some fathers to be unsupportive of their partner’s unplanned pregnancy, leaving mothers to be forced into choosing between their pregnancy and their partner. It’s a terrible choice for a woman who instinctively feels positive about her pregnancy. I think it may help you to talk to an advisor at your nearest centre as soon as possible. I think you are finding it hard to grieve well and meaningfully and our post-abortion recovery programme, called the Journey, will sensitively help you to do that, as well as address any other emotional issues that may pop up. If nothing else, you will be able to tell your story and be met with understanding and kindness. We’ll be thinking of you.
This story was sent in on 13/07/2008 and it's been viewed 1,272 times.

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