I wish I'd known all the options before the abortion

In February, my life changed forever. I just turned 17 and I found out I was pregnant.

Me and my boyfriend had been together for 9 months. My mom had me when she was only 13, and I saw how scary it was to have kids young.

I'm still in school, with mine and my boyfriend's part time job earnings combined it wouldn't be nearly enough. And I didn't want to leave the burden on anyone else. I didn't know what to do, I was torn. I didn't really have anyone to go to (or at least that's what I thought) so we kept it to ourselves until we made our decision.

I was almost 24 weeks last month when I had a surgical abortion.

Because I was so far along, I had to have 3 procedures altogether. The first two were the insertion, removal and re insertion of lamineria sticks to dilate my cervix.

On the day of the surgery I was in hell. It hurt so much having the sticks inside of me. Compared to the first two days the actual abortion was a breeze.

Immediately after it was done when the nurses were helping me off the operating table I threw up. After that I only threw up once more. They had me on morphine so the two hour drive home was interesting.

At first I felt like a heavy weight had been lifted off my shoulders, I had such a sense of relief. But later that night when I got home and the next few days were the worst days of my life. I regret it so much I wish I could take it back so much.

I feel so selfish and so guilty even though I thought I was doing what was best for everyone. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about my baby. I miss my angel everyday.

I know that a lot of girls think it's their only option and it breaks my heart. There are so many options I just wish I had known and chosen a different one.

Editor’s note:

Thank you for sharing your story with us.

You have been through a very difficult few months, especially with coping with a later abortion.

It sounds as if at the time of your decision making your head was making all your choices and your heart didn’t get a chance to be heard. Now your heart is grieving and struggling with the many painful emotions you have expressed.

You are not alone in feeling like this.

You have taken a step forwards by sharing your story, and I now encourage you to contact your nearest centre where you'll find advisors wanting to help you move forwards.

We’ll be thinking of you.

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