Last year in June 2007 I had an abortion.

Last year in June 2007 I had an abortion. I was put to sleep and a suction method was used. I tried to get it rushed as soon as I could so I didn’t have a chance to think about what I was doing. My boyfriend and I had talked about it but he left the decision to me. I decided to have an abortion because I was concentrating on my career and didn’t really feel like my relationship with my boyfriend was secure enough to start a family. The day I had my abortion was the worst day of my life. I had been so calm up to the day but when I went into the hospital and I was walked down the corridor towards the operating room, reality hit. They put me to sleep whilst I was holding my baby in my stomach. When I woke up all I could see was the blood. I hadn’t had a period for 8 weeks and all of a sudden my legs and bed were covered. I was shaking more than I ever have before and was crying hysterically. Since that day I have pined for my child whom I murdered and all I see is the blood. All I see is murder. I would tell anyone to let themselves really think about their decision before having to live with a blood born child. My child. My baby. My girl xxx Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing your story with us…You must have felt very alone in making that decision about your pregnancy, feeling the pressure of circumstances that were less than ideal at the time. It seems now that what you struggle with most is the shock of the physical procedure and the meaning of what happened. You seem to have a strong sense of guilt, as well as loss and grief, and it makes me wonder how you are coping with this experience. I want to encourage you to make contact with your nearest centre, or to pick up the phone and call the helpline, or use Online Advisor to talk with someone confidentially. Our recovery programme could be helpful in working through these emotions, especially now that you have gone past your anniversary dates, and helpful in coming to terms with your experience in a healthy way. Please get in touch. We’ll be thinking of you.

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