I’m 16 years old and had an abortion two months ago. The emotions and pain I feel is unbearable.

Well, here's my story.

My birthday was coming up and I knew that we wouldn’t be able to see each other so I spent the night at his house. We had just stopped using protection (STUPID). He said he promised he would "pull out". That was two days before my birthday.

Time went by and I was tired all the time. I didn’t think anything of it. My boyfriend was going through some things so I didn't really want to bring it up. I wanted to find the "right time". Well, that didn’t happen.

My boyfriend told ME I was pregnant before I got a chance to tell HIM. It was like he already knew. I didn't want to believe it so I kept brushing it off even though I knew for a fact that I was. He told me since I didn't want to listen to him he would leave it alone.

I had really bad morning sickness so I decided to stop being so stubborn and take a test.

Turns out in fact I was pregnant.

It didn't come much as a surprise because I already knew. It’s just one of those things when you know your body.

So things went south from there. I called my boyfriend and told him what he already knew. The only thing he had to say was I told you so. He asked me what did I want to do and silence filled me because I knew that meant he didn't want me to keep it.

He got mad out of the blue and we started to argue (I wanted to keep my baby and he didn't want it).

I felt so hurt and betrayed. I knew not having a child right now would be the best decision to make but I couldn't bear the thought of killing my first born.

How on earth would I tell my parents? We aren't close and we talk about nothing.

Long story short, I snuck behind my parents back, and had an abortion without them ever knowing (to my knowledge).

It was a painful and an emotional experience. I went to the hospital and every doctor’s appointment by myself.

While I should have had an 18 year old man beside me, I had an 18 year old boy that was scared, stupid AND NO WHERE TO BE FOUND. I WAS 8 WEEKS AND 3 DAYS WHEN I CHOSE TO TERMINATE MY CHILD BECAUSE OF SOMEONE WHO OBVIOUSLY DIDN'T CARE ABOUT ME OR HIS OWN CHILD.

WHATEVER CHOICE YOU MAKE JUST DO IT BECAUSE YOU WANT TO, NOT FOR SOMEONE ELSE!!!!!!!!!!! (I REGRET IT EVERYDAY.)

Editor’s note:

Thanks for sharing your story with us…

You seem very angry about the way you have been abandoned by your boyfriend, especially when you were doing what he wanted you to do.

You speak very strongly about not wanting to ‘kill’ your firstborn, so I’m wondering how you are coming to terms with having gone through with it – and alone.

Many women are affected by feelings of guilt, grief and anger after an abortion and I think you are no exception.

It would help you to get in touch with a centre offering post-abortion support and make an appointment to talk about starting a recovery programme.

Just being able to express your feelings in a safe place with someone who understands can begin your healing.

Thanks for sharing with us.

This story was sent in on 31/10/2008 and it's been viewed 34,622 times.

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