I am writing this for the people that have read some of these horrific stories and are now a bit scared of having a medical abortion.

By anonymous on 02/01/2009
I am writing this for the people that have read some of these horrific stories and are now a bit scared of having a medical abortion. It doesn’t hurt that much. I am 19 and from the UK.
I decided to have a medical abortion as I thought it was a more natural way of terminating my pregnancy... like a fake miscarriage. I found out I was pregnant at about five weeks and had my abortion at eight weeks and four days. I had to visit the hospital four times in all. The first time was to check I was definitely pregnant and have my scan. From this visit I discovered I was carrying twins. Also on this visit I had a counselling session where they gave me the decision of medical or surgical abortion. At the time, I wasn’t sure and wanted to speak to my boyfriend, so they gave me a week to decide. The second time I had another scan to confirm it was twins, which it was and then I booked in the two dates to have my medical termination. The third time was when I took the first tablet. I took my boyfriend along for moral support. In the next few days I had no problems but was starting to wonder if I was really making the right decision…but it was too late now to change my mind. The fourth time was the day of the abortion. I went in at 9am and at around 10.30 I was given four tablets that were inserted into my vagina and also a painkiller and antibiotic up my bum! I didn’t have any pains for over an hour. To be honest, I didn’t have any pains throughout that were worse than that of period pains. About 90 minutes after having the tablets inserted, I felt a strange feeling in my pelvic area…a bit like two pops inside me. I felt a bit of blood so went to the toilet. What happened next is graphic but I will explain. I put the cardboard tray over the toilet and that’s when it came out. It was such a weird feeling like squidgy lumps coming out of you. It’s so hard to describe the feeling. It was at this point when I saw my babies lying in the tray. Two of them like little aliens, white, about three cm long, like little mini humans. I could even see their little black eyes.

I told the nurse and went to my boyfriend, trying to explain what I had seen. At this point I went a little light-headed and then I was sick. I think it was the shock of seeing them. I was not prepared for them being that big and that visible. It was horrible to see them. I went to the toilet three more times after that and passed what looked like large blood clots but the nurses said it was the rest of my pregnancy. I was then allowed to go home at about 2.30. They gave me painkillers and a course of antibiotics.

It is now five days after my abortion and I have had some quite bad pains but they don’t last for too long. The most annoying thing is the bleeding. It just never stops. And also I keep envisaging my babies lying in the tray. It will be a memory that will never go away. I would not advise this abortion for emotionally weak people as it does affect you a lot. I am a strong person and I am finding it difficult to cope with.

Looking back I now wish that I had not had an abortion as I am missing my twins. I feel I made the wrong decision and I think the reason for this is the fact that I saw them. I honestly did not think they would be that visible. What I am trying to say is think for yourself. My boyfriend was a huge influence on what I did and now I wish I had kept them. Twins are a special thing and I probably won’t have the chance to have them again.

Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing your story in detail with us…Your story does show that it is not as painful an experience as many people have said on this website…that’s true. You experienced relatively little pain physically. What has happened to you, however, is that you have been deeply affected emotionally by what you saw. You were, in fact, confronted by the reality of what was happening, weren’t you? You feel now that you made a wrong decision and sense the loss of your two babies. It seemed that abortion was the best thing at the time, but it sounds as if you didn’t have enough accurate information – particularly about foetal development, which can be given sensitively if you choose to know more - or time to make an informed decision for yourself without pressure. It’s time now to take care of yourself, and find some support to help you relate to this experience in a healthy way. You could call our helpline or visit your nearest centre, or use Online Advisor to talk through your feelings. We’ll be thinking of you.

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