I now solemnly swear to never get myself into this situation again.
Yesterday, I had a medical abortion. Three weeks ago I found out I was pregnant - I had just split up with my boyfriend, and had had sex with a previous ex so I wasn’t sure of the father! Both situations were not at their best. That, along with the fact that I had just started a job I love, had no money ( in fact, loads of debt ), was living in shared accommodation as I had just moved to the city, made me decide that termination was the best option. This decision was stupidly hard for me to take - I KNEW it was for the best, but I couldn’t help my maternal instinct and wondering ‘what if?’
Anyway, I booked myself into BPAS. They were lovely, can’t thank them enough! On my first appointment, I had a brief talk with a counsellor until she was happy I was making the right choice. I then saw the nurse who went through all the risks etc of abortion (and, to be honest, gave me the worst, worst, worst case scenarios). She then took my blood pressure, checked my blood and went through my options. I decided I would like a medical abortion.
On the first day, I went to BPAS in the afternoon. The nurse went through all the risks and advice again, double checked I was sure of what I was doing and gave me a sickness tablet, as throughout my pregnancy I had been feeling really sick. She then gave me the first pill that stops all the pregnancy hormones and sent me on my way with an appointment to go back tomorrow.
The first tablet gave me no side effects. I was fine and ready for the second tablet. To be honest, I was crapping myself. The pain I had read about on here and other websites - also what the nurse had explained - sounded horrific. I told the nurse I was nervous and she half admitted that she did give me the very worst case scenario and as I was only 6 weeks and 6 days into the pregnancy, it would probably not be "as" bad! ... Still, I was really scared!
Anyway, she again went through all the risks and advice and went through all eventualities with me and what I should do if any occur. She gave me another anti sickness tablet, about two day’s supply of codeine and a week’s supply of antibiotics to stop any infection. I was then sent up to the toilet to insert the tablets myself, which is easy if you’re used to inserting tampons. I went back downstairs for about ten minutes so she could check the tablets hadn’t had a reaction with me - and off home I went. (I had better point out that my sister drove me as I was unable to drive in case any pain started.) My mother, bless her, made my bed all nice, brought me mags and chocolate and sanitary towels and warmed up a hot water bottle for me. (It’s really important, if you’re sent home, that you have someone stay with you for 24 hours in case you haemorrhage - or I’d say for at least 4-6 hours until you’re over the worst.)
I climbed into bed and logged into Facebook and I’d say about an hour after I’d taken the tablets, the cramps started…pretty mild for about half hour, an hour. The next two hours were unpleasant but could have been worse…the pain was like a REALLY REALLY bad period. It was painful and uncomfortable, I won’t lie, but it was by no means unbearable and I have a rubbish pain threshold. And I survived it. There was a horrible moment where I went really weak and dizzy, felt sick and started to get hot flushes. I was sick and felt fine. (I must point out that on the sick scale, it was the best sick I’d ever had…haha. I have a phobia of being sick. I hate it but this was relatively ok. :) I was sick a couple of times ... I’d say within 3-4 hours, the pain slowed down and I started to feel normal again. (I would also like to point out the pain wasn’t continuous. I went up and down for those 3-4 hours. In fact, the time went pretty quickly. I had some food, read some magazines and went to sleep. Blood wise, I’d say I passed a sanitary towel every half hour to hour and then it slowed down. Blood clots were ok - nothing major. I sat on the toilet at one point and something plopped into the toilet. I think it was the foetus, although am not sure but the pain did start to subside after that and I have had nothing since????????????!!!!!
It’s now the next day. I feel fine, tired and very hungry which makes a change because I have been feeling exhausted and sick when I wake up. I feel "half" normal again: ) Emotionally, I feel ok, you know/ I know it was the right decision. I thought long and hard about what I thought was right, imagining myself in both situations. Please do not take this decision lightly – it’s a BIG thing. There have been tears and big moments of regret about what I was doing but eventually I knew it was the right thing to do and I felt "happy" with my decision.
Another big thing which has helped me, apart from the reason I didn’t want a baby, is ambition I have, like going travelling. I have decided to sell my car and just go. If there are specific reasons for not wanting to keep the baby i.e. to go travelling, to finish studies etc - bloody do them!!! Else you’ll be full of even more regret. I now solemnly swear to never get myself into this situation again. Next time I am pregnant I will keep it because I will be in more of a fit situation to…and I look forward to it!!
Any girls or boys out there that may read this and think probably like I did – ‘It won’t happen to me’, or ‘I can’t be bothered with contraception’ or likewise, PLEASE DON’T THINK LIKE THAT. The last few weeks of stress and upset were terrible and so not worth it for the sake of insisting on a condom being worn - or having sex at all for that matter. Haha! :) I would just like to end with, ‘Don’t be scared about the medical abortion; its not that bad. (Well, it wasn’t for me.) If you can handle a bad period you’ll handle this ... and Jesus, I dread to think what labour is like. You’re a woman; you can handle it :) Take care, and I wish everyone the best of luck in the future ! xx
Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing your story with us…It sounds as if you came off fairly lightly with regard to the physical experience of the abortion, as some do. Your thoughts seem dominated with that aspect of it at the moment, but I wonder how you are feeling about it underneath. Sometimes, we can be distracted from the real meaning of an abortion – the ending of a pregnancy which would normally result in the birth of a child. Many of us believe we make the right decision based on our circumstances, but our hearts sometimes tell a different story. If you ever feel that your heart is in any pain about your loss, then please get in touch for some support, won’t you?