I was 14 when I fell pregnant.

I was 14 when I fell pregnant. I had been with my boyfriend for five months and knew I couldn’t go through with it. At times I wanted to but I knew I was far too young. When my family eventually found out they made me the appointments. I looked on the internet and was extremely scared especially after reading other people’s very painful experiences. I went to the hospital for a scan and was told I was exactly nine weeks and if I wanted to have a medical abortion I would have to take the first pill there and then. I was too scared to consider the surgical abortion so I took it and went home. I went back two days later and had the other tablets inserted. I wasn’t allowed to get out of my bed for an hour afterwards and I sat and waited. Around an hour later, the pain started. It wasn’t as bad as I had first thought it would be. It did feel like extreme period pain but wasn’t as bad as I had anticipated. However, it was still extremely painful. I was crying and didn’t know when it would end. I started being sick and had to be given an anti-sickness injection. After about an hour, I managed to get to sleep. When I woke up I needed the toilet I got out of bed and as soon as I stood the blood poured down my legs. I was terrified and started crying. My mum sorted me out and I ran to the toilet. I felt clots coming out of me, glanced at the cover on the toilet and ran back to my bed. I went a few more times and finally I felt it. I knew that was my baby and, without looking, I put another cover over the one on the toilet, removed them both and ran out to tell the nurse. I couldn’t look; a part of me wanted to and I know that sounds wrong but I knew if I did the image would haunt me forever. I couldn’t look. She confirmed it had been my baby. Blood continued to pour out of me and I went through one super strength pad every half an hour, the bleeding gradually got less but continued for about three weeks. I didn’t think it would ever stop. I didn’t experience any more pain after leaving the hospital, I felt fine. It was strange I didn’t really feel like I regretted my decision. It was just something I had done and could forget - I know that sounds awful. It’s been about six months and I am starting to wonder about my baby and my decision. I know when I’m older and do have children that it will seriously start to affect me a lot more. Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing your story…There may come a time when you do have to pay attention to your heart with regard to this experience. I notice that you wanted to proceed with the pregnancy, but knew that you could not. You didn’t want to see what you passed at the clinic, yet you called it your baby. You say you know that this decision will affect you a lot more when you do have children. It sounds like you have tucked away your feelings about your abortion for now, but know instinctively that there is a response in a deeper place that you will have to deal with at some time in your life – a response that says ‘I’m hurt by this’. That’s OK. You’ll know when the right time to deal with it comes, but when you do, you can contact your nearest centre, or the helpline or Online Advisor and ask for some sensitive, caring support where you’ll be given the opportunity to talk it all through.
This story was sent in on 25/08/2009 and it's been viewed 908 times.

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