Now we are again a couple of days further and I have fallen into a black hole.

It has been 5 days since my abortion. I found it hard to use this word! I met a man 5 months ago and recently found out I was pregnant. Before he was acting all loving like he was really serious with me up to the point when the pregnancy tests came in the picture. I noticed him slowly changing towards me. After a doctor visit I could confirm I was 100% pregnant and even more with twins.Now I was not really thinking about children yet and he already had a son. The idea of 2 babies scared me a lot. With my boyfriend becoming more and more isolated from me I was experiencing first pregnancy signs and I have to say I felt quite special. This was the most stressful period I ever had to go through in my life.But reality check, how was I going to take care of 2 babies? He had been giving me the silent treatment so I was alone! I got so scared and mad and I panicked so went to the doctor again refusing to see the second echo and scheduled the surgery. 3 days later I was in hospital, I chose a general anaesthetic because I didn't wanted to experience the procedure. I had mixed feelings but I was sure I was making the right decision. After the surgery I went home with little pain and I felt relief. Next morning I felt even happy?!was it because the bond was gone with my loser boyfriend or because of the pregnancy?I didn't have to worry anymore... Now we are again a couple of days further and I have fallen into a black hole. I am missing the feeling of being pregnant. I am constantly thinking about it, DID I DO THE RIGHT THING!!!OMG. Being out, seeing babies and baby stuff isn't making it easier. I feel so sad. I only told my girlfriend. I didn't tell my dad cause I was afraid he would be disappointed. Maybe with some support I would have made another decision.... Editor's Comment:- Many women feel a sense of relief immediately after an abortion. The problem is no longer there and the struggle to make such a difficult decision is over. The 'black hole' feeling after a few days is also not unusual as the reality of what has happened to you starts to surface. It is also hard that your boyfriend was not there to support you, and you have not felt able to talk to your Dad. We would be happy to try and link you up with a post-abortion advisor and help you through this time. Please ring the national helpline if we can help.

This story was sent in on 26/11/2009

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