I finally got a positive test and was told at the doctor that I was 9 weeks.It was the end of February when I found out for sure I was pregnant. I knew in my heart, from January, that I was. Tests told me negative so I didn't really find out until Feb when I finally got a positive test and was told at the doctor that I was 9 weeks. I will never, ever forget being told that. I was so scared. My boyfriend went into panic mode and quickly decided that abortion was the only option. I knew trying to keep it would be selfish, because we have no money and not even a place of our own. And i'm so scared of giving a baby up for adoption because I've seen so many adopted children abused so...I had the abortion. I was so scared and heartbroken. It happened so quickly and then it was gone. And I will regret it for the rest of my life. My boyfriend ignores it and pretends it never happened. He's made it very clear that he won't talk about it, I feel so alone. Now my friends are all having babies around me and I'm so sad , all the time. I miss my baby. I know I couldn't have cared for it but...It doesn't make it any easier to bear. I wish I could go back and just told myself to slow down and think about things. Now I just feel empty and I will always wonder about the baby I could have had. Editor's Comment:- I think sometimes you feel as though you are on a rollercoaster and you can't get off. There is often a lot of pressure to make a decision and sort the problem out. I would encourage anyone in this position to take time to think through their decision and explore what support is available. It is hard to live with regret and to feel that your decision was rushed. If you would like to have some post abortion support there are advisors who can help you. Please check the website or ring the national helpline 0300 4000 999.
This story was sent in on 22/12/2009